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Irritated

I am completely irritated and annoyed by my oldest sons father. Our son is starting school soon and he has refused to help get any of the school supplies or school clothes. I find it annoying because he is our sons father and he should also be responsible for our son. Also he cancelled visitation so he could go to a BBQ. This is why I get annoyed because everything comes before our son. I told him this and he called me a bunch of nasty names. How should I handle this situation?

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AAP1988

Asked by AAP1988 at 4:51 PM on Aug. 19, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 5 (67 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Does he pay child support? My kids dad has never bought any school supplies in 7 years not has he paid child support most of the time. It happens, I usually don't let it bother me anymore.
    The canceling visitation wouldn't bother me either, I would rather spend the time with my kids than send them with him. Just learn not to count on him for anything.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 4:54 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • Plan your life for you & your child as if he (the father) does not exist. Don't count on him for anything, that way he can't disappoint you. If you don't have a child support order in place, then get one. If he doesn't want visitation w/ his child, then it's HIS loss. Yes it sucks that you don't get a break. But instead, let your child spend time w/ adult males in your family who are a positive influence, rather than the sperm donor. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:55 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • Yeah, my exes are the same way. Just don't worry about it and live your life. It's not your job to make him want to be a father or make him support your son (even though he should). When he wants to come around, let him, but otherwise just continue your life without him.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:58 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • I agree with the others. Just do what you need to do.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 5:00 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • The common definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.

    The father has proved himself to be uncaring and inconsiderate. He will not change.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:19 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • Honestly, I'd let go of wanting him to help. You cannot force someone to be a good father, and he doesn't want to be one. I'd just love my child and surround him with loving people. If the dad cancels on visitation, I would have alternative plans set up and follow through with those plans every time he cancels, and totally ignore him. By being upset, and trying to force him to be a good dad, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment and more importantly, you are giving him power over you. Take the power away and see what happens.
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 5:52 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • Do you get child support? If not that is your first step.
    You can not make someone want to spend time with someone else even if they are related (father and son). Though this hurts your son now, I would not push visitation. It is a loss to both, but it is much more hurtful to be foisted off on someone who does not want your there.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 6:02 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • Hopefully you will be able to buy the supplies or the school your son attends can help.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 6:49 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • I'd have brought my kid to the BBQ and said something like oops you forgot your visitation but damn this looks fun! Have a burger for me, here's his overnight sack and his school supply list. I crossed out 12 of the 24 things that I went ahead and picked up. See ya sunday, love you buddy
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 7:53 PM on Aug. 19, 2013

  • live without him...
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 8:04 PM on Aug. 22, 2013

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