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2 Bumps

Stepmom lets daughter smoke

Our 15 year dd old just came home after spending 2 months with ex and his wfie over the summer. They allowed her to smoke cigarettes and now she can't understand why dh and I won't let her smoke at our house. Not sure what to do now, it's been a fight the last two days shes been home.

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:06 AM on Aug. 20, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (13)
  • Have you discussed this with your ex since it was both of them to allow it ?
    All you can really do now is say no, and deal with the argument over it.

    Answer by GrandmaO2008 at 6:36 AM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • Sorry but....if she wants to smoke that bad she is going to do it no matter what.

    Answer by Lobelia at 7:41 AM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • Was it stepmom, or both? You say stepmom in the title, but both in the body, and it does make a difference. If it was just stepmom, I'd tell the ex that he needs to tell her that she overstepped her bounds and that if she does it again, she'll cost him his visitation. If it was both of them, I'd head straight to court and ask the judge to change the visitation since he's willing to let her do basically whatever she wants - and if he's willing to let her smoke, then I'd be willing to bet that it's not the only thing he would let her do.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:43 AM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • Talk to the Ex. Explain to your DD that the rules at your house havent changed. No smoking and you will not buy them for her.
    What her dad let her do and you let her di is two different things. She is still under 18 and legaly can't smoke.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:56 AM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • She's too young and don't allow it tell ur ex he can get in big trouble for buying cigs to a minor. Don't allow it in your home no matter how mad she gets tell her it's bad for her health and shell look old soon because cigs cause wrinkles and cancer

    Answer by Marlene3girls at 8:22 AM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • If you have a no-smoking rule at your home, enforce it. This is a common problem in these situations: one parent allows behaviors not allowed by the other. It's a competition to be the most loved, I think. And it affects the health and well-being of the child. So just stick to your guns. Be honest. Tell her you understand that her dad is more liberal than you, but you cannot change your values to suit him or her. It's a part of life anyhow to have to learn to obey different rules in different places, so she may as well learn it now and be done with that lesson. Some places you can chew gum; other places, you can't. Some places you can wear whatever you want; other places, there are dress codes. Some places you go, you are expected to remove your shoes; other places, you get to keep your shoes on. You can think of other examples, I'm sure. This is your rule; she's expected to keep it.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:23 AM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • Just let her know your limits are different. You and her dad are two different people, and what you tolerate is different. Basically, the points louise2 made above.

    Do you mean you are having a hard time dealing with her being upset about your limit? She thinks it's unfair and you are upset that she doesn't just agree? She may not "accept" your decision happily and she might complain because she had a different standard or expectation at her dad's. That is normal. Hold your limit & let her have her feelings in reaction to it.

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:42 AM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • Check your state laws. Her behavior and that of the Ex & Step may be criminal...

    Answer by feralxat at 9:30 AM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • I'm thinking it's illegal too!

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:17 AM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • File the report.
    I believe that is illegal in most states. It is here.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:54 AM on Aug. 20, 2013

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