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3 Bumps

On a date with a guy and he answers a call from his ex wife, twice

I could see this being ok if she was with their kids at the time maybe but she wasn't. She was buying a car and needed some help with pricing etc... He talked to her for a couple minutes both times and was very nice. Is this totally rude and tacky?? I can't decide how I feel about it. He also said after he got off the phone that we both have lives and it's ok if I need to answer my phone too. This was a first date but we have been talking over the phone and seen each other out and about prior to this.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:02 PM on Aug. 20, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (30)
  • What would matter more to me is how he handled it if he knew my feelings or preferences. You know?
    I am not sure of the tone of his comment to you about answering your phone. Maybe he wasn't "giving permission" as much as saying it would be OK with him or he would understand. It would be nice if he checked in with you about whether you WERE OK, rather than saying "We both have lives & taking calls is okay," as if he decided. BUT, I don't recommend over-analyzing! It seems likely that he was trying to acknowledge the potential awkwardness & frame things for you.
    Also, you don't really say how it he responded when the call(s) came in, if he acknowledged you then, etc.
    Cool that he was nice to his ex.
    I agree with those who said they leaned toward NOT making it a deal-breaker and taking it in stride. It was a first date. You don't know whether it's a recurring pattern. You also haven't seen how addressing it goes

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:42 AM on Aug. 21, 2013

  • Well, after I was married to my husband, his ex would call him to ask if this that or the other was a good thing and yes, she called about a car. he actually went over and looked at it for her and checked it out mechanically. She didn't have her dad and has no brothers. She wasn't working so really she had no male friends.

    He went because he wanted her driving something safe to transport HIS child in.

    She fell ill with breast cancer and was in the middle of home remodeling and she called to ask him how to do something. (See he always works on our cars and and he built houses and he remodels them on the side. ) He more than told her how, we wnt over and made the repairs ourselves. I personally despise the woman but the home needed to be done so they could move in so that his daughter could stay in the same neighbor hood and schools. Sometimes a man will do that for an ex

    Answer by GrandmaO2008 at 3:40 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • There wouldn't be a 2nd date...

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:05 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • I don't see a big problem, I mean she was asking him for some advice, not asking him to come down there and help...


    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 2:34 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • Has he dated prior to this? I ask because this may be the way their post divorce relationship has progressed because there wasn't anyone else in the picture to mind it. So, maybe it might be fair to discuss it with him and see how he takes the information.

    Now, if he's dated a lot and he's still doing it then I agree you should probably toss him back.

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 2:39 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • Answering the phone on a date is rude, period. The fact that it was an ex is doubly rude. And that he answered her TWICE? All bets are off. Forget this guy.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:43 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • It is only the first date. If you go out again and it continues with the ex then it time to move on.

    Answer by DJDNY at 3:09 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • I may be weird, but it wouldn't bother me. The ex was in a situation she didn't feel comfortable with, and she asked someone she trusted for help. It was only the first date. Now if it happened all the time over every little thing, I might get exasperated, but what you wrote wouldn't have bugged me.

    Answer by Ballad at 5:44 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • It would bug me a little bit but wouldn't be a deal breaker. The fact that he is still civil with her and is still willing to help her out tells me that he is mature. Also, if he hadn't answered the phone, would she have kept calling?

    Since they have children together, she will always be a part of his life. Recognize this, discuss it and set clear boundaries. Otherwise, perhaps he isn't the one for you.

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 10:37 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • RUN!

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:10 PM on Aug. 20, 2013