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4 Bumps

Is everyone right?

I am 21 years old, with a 31 year old man.
My friends always pressure me into getting someone who's around my age. Someone who I can be "college sweethearts" with, especially for when we get older.

They hate the fact that my first love is with someone who I'm his second love to. (If they makes sense? Ha) He has a "high school sweetheart" and they just broke up 3 years ago. They were together for a decade... They say it's not fair to me, and that I'm going to regret it when I get much older.

Can you guys agree to this?
I see there point, but I'm so madly in love with this man... I get upset just talking about it.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:57 PM on Aug. 20, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Not necessarily. It depends on what stage you are in your life, and what stage he is in his. There is often a huge difference in maturity/readiness to settle down between 21 and 31 but not always. My husband is only 4 years older than me but by 21 I was much less interested in anything most 21 years are and much more interested in having a family, so I did. Only thing I regret now was not being as financially stable as we could have been, but I don't feel like I missed out on my youth. It all depends on what you are ready for, and if he's on the same level.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 11:02 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • No, It is your life , it does help if you are friends first, get to know each other, people who are perfect can have issues , Most will not like the age thing.

    Answer by by2013 at 11:04 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • I will say that if your friends think the age gap is a big deal, it may very wsll be because they view you as being much younger mentally than the average 31 year old is, and if that's the case yes there could be issues. If they felt you were compatible maturity-wise they wouldn't have a problem with his age. Sounds like they view 31 as "old".

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 11:05 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • On the one hand, I feel like it's your life, you're of age and you should handle your relationships like a grown up.

    On the other hand, if one of my daughters had come to me at age 21 with a 31 year old boyfriend I would have been concerned. So, I'm conflicted

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 11:10 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • Age is not an issue in this case.

    Answer by morebee7 at 11:20 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • My mother married someone closer to her age and that was a disaster. She is now married to someone 6 yrs younger than her and it has worked out much better. I know many people that are in a relationship with an age gap and it has worked out just fine. My SO is 4 yrs younger than me. He brings out my youth:-) Age really is just a number.

    Which do you think you would regret more: possibly missing out on having a college sweetheart or losing a man you are madly in love with just because of an age gap?

    Take what your friends have to say and keep it in the back of your mind. But know that this is your life. You have to live with the consequences of your decisions.

    Do you have things in common with him? Is he your friend? Is he much more mature than you? Consider everything, not just the numbers.

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 11:21 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • I do have to say that I briefly dated a man about 10 yrs older than me. We were the same maturity level (I've always been a bit more mature for my age) but there were certain times that the age gap bothered me. Only because he didn't get my sense of humor, didn't understand some of the references I made, and I felt like I had to explain a lot more to him. But that also could have been that we just weren't right for each other. Hence why we only briefly dated.

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 11:25 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • Be careful and take it nice and slow. There is no hurry to get to know each other. There is no rush for sex . When the time is right for you just be sure you are well protected and then there is no rush to move in or make babies. Enjoy this part of the relationship and TALK and see who you are separate an as a couple.
    All through my family there have been age differences up to the latest 83 year old marrying a 65 year old and they are so happy. My brother was 15 years older than his very young wife and they were together until the day he died. Age is nit the whole factor. It is really a very small consideration. The love and the caring and the willingness To go down the same road together and work together and listen to each other. These are important You mke your life where your heart leads you and your head says it is a good choise. Do not listen to the naysayers, They are only alive to suck the joy out of every

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:27 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • Both of the meaningful, long term relationships I've had in my life have been with older men, one ten years older and the other twelve years older. It's all in finding someone who has similar wants in life, and someone who adds the spark to your world. Age really doesn't have a whole lot to do with it, in my opinion.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:39 PM on Aug. 20, 2013

  • I'm biased on this, my husband is older then I am...and more then the 10 yrs you are talking about. It works for us personally but it can been difficult.

    You are an adult, decide what you want and who cares what others think. Base you decision on your relationship with him(how he treats you, how you guys get along etc) and not a number.


    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:58 AM on Aug. 21, 2013

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