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Well I give you guys the short version.... ok I'm and educated 28 year old women who recently became a single mom a few months back due to domestic violence in the relationship. At the beginning of the relationship he wasn't like that soo I didn't see this coming from a long shot. During the pregnancy was when the violence really flared up . And yes I was NAIVE to always go back because I didn't want to be a single mom I felt that it looked bad and I was ashamed because I was educated enough not to get myself in this kinda situation. But I couldn't do it anymore and so I ended up leaving. So now Im with family in another state and now he wants to go to court (even before i left he constantly threated me he was going to court if i left him... so now he wants joint custody... in which im not in favor of ... yes he can have visitation ... and besides our son he only 10 months he cant travel from state to state yet hes not even willing to drive 7 hours from FL to GA.... my son doesnt even know who he is). I never stopped him from seeing his child but I needed to get myself stable and back go work and i wasnt going to leave my child behind( he threw me and my baby(my baby was 3months at the time) out knowing that my family was in a different state.. i was only in that state for college thats where i met him and started dating). And he wasnt helping me at all ..he never even changed a diaper. Anyway I'm depressed because I'm in a new state and its taking me forever to find a job to support myself and baby (i have been unemployed almost a year ... since i stoped working to have my son.... lol sooo im literally am stuck with a baby 24/7 lol at the begining i didnt mind but NOW ... CABIN FEVER is an understatement ... im one of those women who likes to have multiple things going or better yet i need to be challenged.. i just miss working.. i miss the everyday hustle and bustle of life... having a baby makes me want to work even more to be a great provider... being a type A personality isnt helping lol). Plus I'm going through this court situation. And my baby first birthday is coming up and I can't do nothing for him. Everyone keeps saying look on the bright side of things but I dont see any light in sight. I'm soo depressed that somtimes I regret having this bundle of joy ( even though I LOVE HIM TO PIECES) . But I'm to stressed and depressed to enjoy him. This single mom thing is hard . I was once a happy person who loved life and was super confident. And it went all down hill when I met my child's dad. The domestic violence BROKE me down . I lost all my FRIENDS due the this drama (friendships are supposed to be nurtured but at this time in my life I couldn't be a friend to myself so how can be a friend to another person.). I don't even recognize who I am anymore! And the krazy part all this happened so fast with in 2 years. I'm am really and truely at my lowest point. I never thought in a million years this would be me . And I feel this is unfair becuase my life did a 360ยบ for the worst and he still living his life and dating and doing what he wants to do when I'm struggling to take care our son. He never sent one red cent. I'm sorry I can go on and on but I will stop now. (By the way i didn't go to the courts first he did i was trying to amicable about this . I feel he is trying to get out of paying child support. Even though my family told me to get a court ordered child support case I just felt that was the wrong thing to do if he was going to help me out with our son. But my asking for money to support our son turned in to begging and i feel i should have to beg you to take care your child. And he has a full time job and getting SSDI....income in total $2200/month . Would a $100 or $150 dollars a month hurt ???I really doubt that .... pampers and wipes etc arent cheep. I heard this the most expensive stage lol) Any advice ?? Have anyone has gone through a simular situation? If so how did you over come your situation? Oh p.s.. I would like to add I do have an supportive family. And I still have one friend left lol. And despite my deep depression I am a GREAT MOM (I make sure his needs are met and I provide loving and stable place for him) ! So I do pat myself on the back because I am a first time mom.

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 AM on Aug. 21, 2013 in Health

Answers (7)
  • In the future I suggest you use paragraphs, that would make it much easier to read.

    I am sorry you are in such a bad situation, many moms find themselves exactly where you are. First you need to seek counseling for yourself in order to process and heal from the abuse.

    Child support its not your right, it is your childs right to receive child support for his well being and unless the courts find he is unable to pay then there is no reason you should be granted some amount of support.

    Good luck

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 6:39 AM on Aug. 21, 2013

  • I agree with the previous comment. Child support is there so you don't have to beg for your child's needs to be met.

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 6:48 AM on Aug. 21, 2013

  • I really think you should seek out someone to talk to. You say you don't have friends, then see if you can find a counselor.

    I also think you need to stop thinking about the man who abused you and start thinking of yourself and child. Get a court ordered child support. You will not be the meanie. Well, he might say that, but at this point, do you really care what he thinks?

    Answer by ChasingBridges at 6:51 AM on Aug. 21, 2013

  • He should be required to help support his child. Don't worry about the child's birthday, by the way. The first birthday is really more for the parent than the child who won't remember it. Talk to a lawyer about your rights with regard to the child and about the child's rights for support from both parents. To find a lawyer, call your local government and tell them briefly about the situation and ask them about legal matters. Continue to look for a job.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:37 AM on Aug. 21, 2013

  • Go and immediately do to file for court ordered support. You owe it to your child.

    Be kind to yourself ...

    Answer by goldpandora at 8:55 AM on Aug. 21, 2013

  • "I lost all my FRIENDS due the this drama (friendships are supposed to be nurtured but at this time in my life I couldn't be a friend to myself so how can be a friend to another person.)"

    True friends don't need to be "nurtured" by someone who's in need herself. Those weren't friends.

    Go to court. If you ever meet anyone else in this situation, escort them to the courthouse! KNow the saying, "Nice guys finish last?" It's an aphorism for a reason! It's commendable to want to be amicable... but it can cost your child.

    And you're aiming WAYYY too low in what he should be paying. More. Lots more.

    Did you ever file a police report on the abuse? Statue of limitations isn't up yet. DO IT!

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:02 PM on Aug. 21, 2013

  • Go to court.
    Don't be scared.
    No judge is going to allow a 10 month old to be driven 7 hours for an over night visit.
    Get some support, get help to pay with daycare, get working and get back in school.
    As a single mom, the system will work FOR you more now than ever! There are state and federal programs, loans and grants specifically for single moms to get education.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:17 PM on Aug. 21, 2013

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