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How to help my daughter with mean girls

I have an 8 year old daughter, there is a girl that is so mean to her. I told her to stay away from her. I want to help her. It makes me sad to see her so hurt and feel left out. I know she will need to deal with this on her own but I would like to give her some suggestions. My daughter has ADHD, the children don't know this. She also is a nice girl, many people tell me how sweet she is. I am sure many parents say this but I a have a son that is not always so nice and I am able to distinguish and admit when he is unkind. An example of the other girls behavior is last night we were at my son's soccer practice and the girls were all on a blanket, another little girl asked my daughter  to sit down and the mean girl screamed and said why is everyone on my blanket. Why are other girls so attracted to this girl?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:06 AM on Aug. 23, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (7)
  • your sister or your daughter sat on the blanket? I am confused.
    Whichever needs to do as you suggested, stay away. Play with someone else, mean girls are not the type of child you want her to befriend.
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 6:50 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • Tell her to hold her head up high and ignore them, they are the ones missing out not the other way around. Others are attracted to her self confidence, this is what is lacking in your daughter...build it up, praise her for the things she does good, and work on her self esteem.
    older

    Answer by older at 6:54 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • what older said. You talk to her about true freinds, how people should treat others nicely and that kind of thing as well as letting ehr know that not everyone WILL be nice and those people are going to miss out. Let her know it's thier issue NOT her and that hopefully, they will learn as they grow up. Also building her self esteem

    she is going to deal with this moe than once before it's all over. It's hard to watch our kids get treated that way or to be sad. Middle school was the worst for my kids as far as mean kids go
    hang in there
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 7:04 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • @ luvmygrandgirl so sorry I meant to say daughter not sister
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:08 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • We went thru this for a while too. My dau is a sensitive soul, but she has built some pretty good "survival" skills when it comes to this. We've had lots of talks (I'm so grateful she still tells me everything), she's involved w/ sports & has a great circle of true friends. When you focus on all the positives in your life, the little uppity mean girls won't matter so much. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:27 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • Mean girls do tend to have a certain charisma, an ability to attract others into their circle. You just have to keep reinforcing to your daughter that being kind and hanging around with others who treat her well is the way to go. It's hard. My daughter has been the victim of this as well. Just the other day, three little neighbor girls were all playing together, and my daughter asked to join in. Any one of them would have played with her separately, but the leader, who can be mean at times, excluded her and the others followed along. It hurt to see my daughter upset and rejected, but she walked away and we had a tea party instead. I don't know why spite is so common among little girls and why parents don't do more to discourage it.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:00 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • I don't know why spite is so common among little girls and why parents don't do more to discourage it.

    I think often it originates in relationships--in dynamics that exist AT home. What we as parents do (looking for "what works" to gain compliance) often unintentionally generates feelings in children that gain expression in power-over relationships with other children. It's the cycle of coping with victim feelings by creating other victims.

    It also reflects the fact that very often girls have few ways to feel genuinely powerful (even today, they typically have fewer opportunities than boys do in their early years for physical challenge in which to develop their physical prowess.) All children need to develop physical & personal power. If girls have limited opportunities or encouragement around developing their physical power, they can resort to using their relationship power in unfortunate ways, often exclusionary.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:39 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

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