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How to discipline a child when they bite, pinch and or hit? She is 2.

My oldest never went through the tarable 2's. She did bite me one time though (she was still is sensitive) so all I did was cry and tell her how that hurt mommy so she hugged me and didn't bite no more. With my middle dd she went through the bitting since she was 18 months until she was 3 years (she thought it was funny when you cried so that didn't work on her). I thought she was never going to break. She never did bite me however. It was always her sister or other kids. I tried everything with her so much as even bitting her back (which my grandma swore by), but it was a mistake because she just did it more. Finally she stopped doing it. With my now 2 year old she bites her middle sister all the time (but she torments her) then she if I don't let her do something she has TRIED to bite me, but hasn't been able to latch on (mommy is fast lol), but now she doesn't try bitting me she will pinch me or smack me. I grab her hands and tell her no you don't hit mommy thats not nice, but she still does it. I do believe in spankings on the bottom don't get me wrong and people have told me to use that, but what I am afraid of his spanking her (even though it is on the butt) for hitting me that it is going to teach her that it is ok to hit me. The neighbor said no it wont because I am not hitting her I am spanking her and it is not in the same place as she hits me, but on her bottom. What are your thoughts on this and what can I do to teach her not to hit?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Aug. 23, 2013 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Focus on guidance rather than punishment. Think of it as a situation in which she doesn't know a better way to handle/express those feelings, or communicate her message. If your response is focused on correcting the WAY she does it (as your response presently is: "No" "Don't hit" "That's not nice") you are not offering any guidance AND you are rejecting the feelings as wrong.
    She is going to feel frustrated, angry, annoyed, etc. That won't go away! See the biting, hitting, and pinching as EXPRESSING those feelings, respond to the behaviors by showing understanding for how she feels, and offer acceptable ways to express it. And keep your expectations reasonable. (Don't just tell her to "verbalize" her feelings and then get upset when she acts them out instead.)
    A good rule of thumb is "connect before correct."
    Respond immediately with empathy (rather than correction), by showing you understand WHY it happened. This is key!

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:50 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • I agree with charlotsometimes that you need to find out why, but she still needs consequences for her actions, and if necessary the middle one should have consequences for tormenting her.

    I always removed my boys from the situation, if they were playing with other kids, they were put in their room alone (we put a gate in the door for one son who would just walk out...that way he couldn't walk out). If they wanted to be able to play with other kids they would learn to be nice, otherwise they had to be alone.

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:17 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • Also, many times kids go for negative attention when they do not get enough positive attention. Make sure each of the kids get quality one on one time with each adult in the home. Make them feel special and needed by having them help in any little way.....folding clothes, loading the dryer, etc, etc and heap on the praise when they do good things. Plus heap on the love during the day! This can go a long way in chnaging things. And I agree that spanking/hitting is not the solution. It teaches that hitting can be OK and you discipline with fear that way. GL

    Answer by silverthreads at 10:25 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • address WHY she is biting. They do that stuff out of frutsration in the situation. you say the middle child because she torments her...there you go...or that she pinches you when you tell her no
    try to give her some choices maybe? and ask her how you can help when she is frustrated with her sister

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:59 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • ok thank you for the reply

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:12 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • I agree with the sons behavior therapist always mentioned you need to use consequences and consistency when doing so . Address first why they are doing it, (some might not be able to explain why), but a lot of times, it is out of frustration or something alone those lines. Good Luck!

    Answer by ChitownMom84 at 10:49 AM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • every child really is different. i mean look at you. you have three kids. all three raised by the same mother under one roof yet they have completely different personalities! so discipline methods are different too. you being a mother know which method will work with her. When my son was 2, he really did give me a hard time. Oh God I tell you it was the most difficult year of my LIFE! I could even see boatloads of pity in other people's eye when they used to see us,lol. some even suggested spanking. that made him even more aggressive. he started hitting (and believe me spanking !!) kids in his class!! when his teacher told me he "spanks other kids on their bottom when HE's upset", i didn't know weather to burst out laughing or break down into tears. I know my child, he's extremely strong willed and stubborn.lots of affection and love really has made him better. AND ALOT of patience. He has changed alot

    Answer by cookie269 at 11:12 AM on Aug. 23, 2013