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Would you bend the rules? So much has changed...

Rule is no overnight guests of the romantic type. My girl 18, has recently come out (not necessarily gay..not in any of the categories, as she's said) and wants to have gf hang out with our family, have dinner, all of us play a board game, and have her sleep on the couch. Daughter will sleep in her own room. She knows better than to pull anything.

She's struggling with the fact that we haven't really gotten to know her gf very well since she lives over an hour away. This will be the last visit until gf leaves for college. She's a very nice girl.

We are obviously more strict that her parents and aren't thrilled, but understand our dd needs us to accept this as her first same sex relationship, and to know her gf. We've said we are fine with whoever you choose to date as long as you're happy/healthy. Our DD happens to be a complicated/challenging person in many ways.

We have a younger one at home as well. He's doesn't challenge us at all.

Go with the flow? Maybe this once?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:21 PM on Aug. 23, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (12)
  • I'd go with the flow. This is a houseguest on the sofa thing.

    Answer by SWasson at 4:22 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • your daughter is 18 so yeah, I'd go with it and she can sleep on the couch or whatever

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 4:27 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • I wouldn't have a problem with it. Your daughter is now an adult.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 4:30 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • I'd let it happen, since the agreement is that the girlfriend will sleep separately from your daughter.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:35 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • If you are certain they will remain separate for the night I do not think it is a problem.
    I have a similar rule. If you are not married, there is no sleeping together under my roof.

    If they are trustworthy, fine but if it is at all a concern then for the sake of your son I would say, no.

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:36 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • My kids know where we stand on the sleeping together issue so not too concerned.

    Dardanella, I do feel that perhaps we are some of the last parents with these rules, at least in the circles my DD travels in.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:43 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • my parents had the same rule but bent it for (now) DH when we were 20 (8 years ago haha), so i think it would be fine to bend the rules. its not like you're allowing them to do anything you disapprove of...also it shows you trust your now adult DD.

    Answer by okmanders at 4:51 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • Me too anon
    When I was not long married my mother and brother and his GF came to see us in another state. He was newly graduated from high school and an adult. I am 8 years older. Rule of the house was as stated above. My brother had a fit and told my mother he would leave if I did not allow them to share a room. My mother came to me and I would not budge. She was astounded at me and I was clear that I was shocked at her. They left.

    Answer by Dardenella at 5:31 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • I think it's up to you to decide if you want to bend, how far you want to bend, and to determine if she will appreciate this for what it is or try to take advantage of it.

    Given that they had already determined they would sleep apart, I think I would probably be willing to bend - but I would make it clear that this was a one time agreement, and that any future occurrences would need to be requested and approved again, and that if she went behind my back and snuck around, it would never happen again.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:48 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

  • As long as they follow the house rules and sleep apart or whatever your rules are I don't see a big deal.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 6:40 PM on Aug. 23, 2013

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