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I used to feel close to my daughter. Now she doesn't seem to care about me.

I seriously feel invisible. She fawns all over her dad, who I left 17 years ago because he was a cocaine addict. She is married now, lots of friends, very pretty and vivacious. She told me I create a serious inconvenience for the family. I don't even know what that means. I worked three jobs to raise 4 kids in an ethical, safe, healthy environment. I did not trash their dad, even tho' I could have. I feel just terrible. I moved on, taught at a university, started my own business, don't rely on any of my kids or their dad for support. I just feel so abandoned and unloved. So sad.

 
confusedmom16

Asked by confusedmom16 at 7:06 PM on Aug. 25, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 4 (40 Credits)
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Answers (8)
  • My oldest did this to me. I have no idea why but she gravitates toward her dad, for whatever reason. I just finally had to come to terms with it because nothing you say or do will likely have any effect. Yes, it's really sad and it makes you feel like you did something horrible, even if you didn't. But you can't live your life waiting for her to come around. If she does, it'll be on her own terms.

    I just try to give my daughter space and not encroach on her life.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 7:10 PM on Aug. 25, 2013

  • Hopefully they will come around, don't push it but be open to them. Send them birthday cards etc. telling them that you care. In the meantime find something to occupy your time with.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 8:06 PM on Aug. 25, 2013

  • You taught at a university? Your grammar does not seem like it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 PM on Aug. 25, 2013

  • Sounds pretty normal. She may come around again in a few years.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 7:12 PM on Aug. 25, 2013

  • I would send her a letter and write exactly what you have said here. Good for you!! So sorry you are going through this. She will regret her actions.....hopefully not too late. hug
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 7:15 PM on Aug. 25, 2013

  • Yu guys are so so sweet. Thank you so much. This is my first time on this site...I hope I can help someone how you have helped me.
    I think you're right about giving her her space. She has a twin sister - sometimes I feel like there's not really room for me in the mix. Seems so weird, since they're 27 years old!! I remember my girlfriends having these issues w/ their daughters when they were teenagers - i didn't have that. So I guess it's a late-blooming problem. :-)
    xo
    confusedmom16

    Comment by confusedmom16 (original poster) at 7:24 PM on Aug. 25, 2013

  • Maybe since she's older and has her own family she wants that perfect picture to be real. She wants to "fix" him so everyone can live happily ever after, and she won't have to explain to her children why they dont know their grandfather.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 9:00 PM on Aug. 25, 2013

  • We just never know what things outside of our control will change a child's mind, You just have to know you did your best and try and put one foot in front of the other. You did great considering, Hats off to you. At least you cared sometimes the reverse happens.
    by2013

    Answer by by2013 at 9:57 PM on Aug. 25, 2013

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