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New baby, my older three are jealous!

My husband and I just welcomed our 4th son Finley James into our brood of 5. We have Archer who is 5 1/2 Everett who is 4, and Levi who is just shy of 2. We brought Finley home last week and the boys have all been crazy, and sad and just not there usual selves. Archer and Everett have both been through this before so I wasn't expecting them to be as upset and jealous as they have been. Surprisingly Levi has been great with Finley and is typically only upset if he sees his big brothers throwing a fit or just being sad. Has anyone else's older kids been the ones who are more upset about a new baby? My husband and I are trying to include all three boys in as much as we can with Finley but Evy and Archer just don't want to do anything with him .

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Pay920

Asked by Pay920 at 2:21 AM on Aug. 26, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 8 (222 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I never had any issues with sibling jealousy with my kids who are 2 years or less apart (I have 5 total). The older ones are more apt to notice a difference in time mom spends with them or how much attention the baby receives. Not a whole lot you can do - enlist their help with the baby (let them bring you diapers, wipes, toys, etc), spend time doing "big kid" stuff with them (during baby's naps or even better if you can get a sitter and go somewhere), praise them for all the stuff they can do and point out when they get to do something that baby can't.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:24 AM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • My neighbor has a Finley, but she's a girl.
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 6:43 AM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • Each child needs one on one time with each adult so they feel special and loved and not replaced.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 7:40 AM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • This is a normal reaction...they will eventually come around...just remember to give them each some time with you too....
    older

    Answer by older at 9:10 AM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • Sorry, I don't know what to tell you other than what the other ladies suggested. Mine all welcomed each new addition to the family. About 14 months apart between 3 and 4, and I honestly don't remember much jealousy between those two, either. I thought with the addition of our 5th child, my 4th child would get mad and jealous she was no longer the baby, but she absolutely adores her baby sister (6 years between the two of them, BTW).

    About the only upset there was with our newest addition was with the boy, at not having a brother and getting another sister...but that upset was overturned rather quickly, and he also adores her ;)
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 9:28 AM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • I didn't have any jealousy issues with my girls they are 41/2 years apart... They do how ever fight over me! They want to push each other out of my lap and such! It's normal I would just make sure you both give each child their own time with you and dad!
    rachel216

    Answer by rachel216 at 9:44 AM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • Go with it. It's not what you expected, and it's challenging & probably disappointing, but it's organic. It's how they feel!
    Try to give them some space to feel "negative." It's a big change to the old normal, even if they've been through it before! It makes sense to feel less than enthused, particularly if you ALSO get the sense that your parents aren't thrilled with your reaction or want you to feel/be different.
    My daughter was four when we added twins to our family. She was very invested & loving, but she still had a full range of feelings. That's actually a good thing (because it's authentic.) We were careful not to negate/deny her feelings, even they were disconcerting to us.
    Feelings/emotions are just internal experiences to process, not right or wrong to have. HOW they go is more important than what they ARE--how well supported kids are to feel & process (move through) whatever feelings they actually have.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:47 AM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • I haven't been through this personally, but a friend of mine had a boy who was jealous of his baby sister when she burst upon the scene. As an outside observer, I thought the parents gave too much attention to the kid for being jealous. He got special gifts and outings and the like, and it seemed that his negative reactions were rewarded. The kids will take your cues from you. Let them express their feelings--as in, don't argue that there's no reason to be jealous--but don't dwell on the problem. Continue to be positive and excited about the baby; they'll come around.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:36 PM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • Yes I have had issues with our second oldest becoming jealous. But we figure that all out and realized that he thought that he wasn't going to be getting as much attention as he was before. So we set aside some dates where we would spend a sometime with just him. SO we could do what he wants to do. Rather it is color, go to the park, watch a movie. I explained to him that this is his time and he can choose between a list of things that we can engage in with him.
    latasha_77

    Answer by latasha_77 at 3:17 PM on Aug. 27, 2013

  • Thank you ladies. This isn't something I've dealt with before. Archer was great when Everett was born and they both couldn't have been happier about Levi but now with Finley they are just not having it. My husband and I have been doing one on one things with them like I took Archer to the park by himself today and my husband played legos with Everett so I think that it will help them a lot. We have tried asking them to help with Finn but Archer refuses and Everett follows Archer and doesn't want to help. Levi is doing the best with Finley surprisingly. He loves getting him his diapers and paci.
    Pay920

    Comment by Pay920 (original poster) at 11:06 PM on Aug. 28, 2013

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