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2 Bumps

Is it alright to show concern over a partners bad habit???

It is a habit he has done for years and old habits are hard to break. I show concern because I love him. It is what he is used to. Its not a bad habit, I guess but over time could affect his health and I want him around for a long time. I guess I may be overstepping my boundaries a little. The habit is smoking. I am thankful it is a worse habit!!! It is a stress releaser and everyone needs one. Not downing anyone-to each his own.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Aug. 26, 2013 in Health

Answers (10)
  • Show concern? Or nag? Of course it's ok to expres concern. But whether or not his quits is up to him so don't climb up his ass about it.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 10:23 PM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • Express* He*
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 10:23 PM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • Expressing concern is fine, but nagging is not. A person will not change a bad habit until they are ready and want to. Nagging is just going to cause stress and conflict in the relationship.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 10:36 PM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • after 12 years of nagging my husband to quite I have pretty much given up.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 11:00 PM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • Honestly, if your partner was a smoker when you met him, it's not wise to say anything about it now. I was married to a smoker; obviously I knew when I married him that he smoked, and so I feltlike I'd taken him as he was and I really didn't have room to protest. There's nobody in the free world today that can say he or she doesn't know about the health risks associated with smoking. Unless your partner just crawled out from under a rock, it's no secret to him that he has a bad habit. You bringing it up won't help. I told my dad the same thing when he wanted to start voicing his concern about my mom being overweight. I said, "Dad, she's been heavy the whole time you've known her. She knows what she weighs, she knows the risks. She'll fix the problem if and when she decides to. Leave her alone."
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:02 PM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • Well sure you should show concern.
    If you love someone you would hope that you have as many years as possible with them.
    If he loves, you, he should consider quitting.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:10 PM on Aug. 26, 2013

  • It's fine to express concern, but don't nag him about it. Of course, it also depends on how sensitive he is to stuff like that. I know a few smokers - two of them have no issue with me telling my kids that smoking is bad, and dangerous and can kill you while they're around, but another takes it as an attack on him for smoking - even though it really is just a matter of my kids ask a question and I answer it with my feelings about it.

    I would tell him that you worry about his health, and maybe ask - once, just once - if he would consider quitting, offer to be there for him if he does decide to do that. But then just leave it alone. Ask him to smoke outside, if need be, or something like that, but don't keep hammering it into him that you want him to quit.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:49 AM on Aug. 27, 2013

  • To Ginger 0104- he doesn't like my nagging about it and I am wrong for doing it. I love him very much , too show concern is right, but some habits stick with people and if he chooses to smoke, I need to accept it, fully. It is causing some stress on our relationship, when I bring it up. This is the last thing I want to do. We have been together 5 years and I have never made it a big deal in the past. He seems to be smoking more now, but I guess it is his way of stress relief. Money issues have been hitting us hard lately. Our relationship is good though. Nagging about this issue from me needs to stop though and I realize that. Thanks for your response!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:55 AM on Aug. 27, 2013

  • Ballad- I have been with him for 5 years and I haven't nagged in all these years, you are right when you say it is wise to not nag or to "complain" out it. I am not quite sure why "now", I am making it a big thing when in the past it has not been. I feel like an IDIOT at times. The last thing I want to do is to put stress on our relationship. It is up to him if he wants to quite one day but no matter what his choice I need to like your situation, "Leave it alone" and Love him regardless!! Thank You for your response
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:05 AM on Aug. 27, 2013

  • Cassie- regardless of whether he quits or not, I am in love with the man he is, and good qualities he has. I have bad habits too, and he nags about it to me about my bad habit (worrying). I guess we are both guilty of nit picking at one another. He is understanding, tries to help me through encouragement and friendly discussion about changing my worry habits. I see this as positive at times but I also see the tension that nagging can put onto a sensitive subject. Some habits are hard to break, some never get broken but accepting them is the best thing to do. Thanks for your advice!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:19 AM on Aug. 27, 2013

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