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What would you do?

I'm a regular but am using anon for privacy reasons.

I've been in an on again off again relationship with a man for about 14 years now. He has a tendency to set me aside when things are going well and then get in touch again when he feels like he's missing me or whenever he needs some sort of validation or friendship or something, who knows.

Anyway, this last time was really painful for me for some reason. We were talking every day and we got together for a fun week vacation and then all of a sudden he stopped contact again. I was just done. He would respond to messages but only about once a week and I could see the writing on the wall. I told him that it was obvious I wasn't a priority to him and that I was finally calling it a day.

It's been a month and he hasn't reached out to me. I've done well because I haven't contacted him either but the last couple of days have been hard. I want to send him a message but I know that isn't a good idea. Then I keep thinking we've been through some stuff in 14 years and maybe I should send him a message. Then I think that'd be stupid. See what I mean?

I'm not young either so he isn't like this is some teenager thing going on. We are older.

In the interest of fairness he was going through something really difficult with his family when he cut me off this time. I was working with him to work through it and then he and his brother started hanging out quite a lot and that is when he drifted away. I understand that he was have a hard time but I told him I was feeling very shut out. I told him this again a few weeks later. He still closed the door on me which is why I told him I was done.

I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do. I'm just confused. If you have advice for me, even if it isn't rainbows and sunshine, I will take it.


Asked by Anonymous at 7:54 PM on Aug. 28, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • he was going through something really difficult with his family when he cut me off this time.
    I thought, when someone is going through a tough time that was when they needed loved ones more, not less.

    Answer by feralxat at 8:05 PM on Aug. 28, 2013

  • He is using you. You have shown him you will be there when he wants to see you. You need to decide if this is what you can accept for the rest of your life or if you should move on. You say you are done. I encourage you to put yourself first and truly put an end to this one sided relationship. hug

    Answer by silverthreads at 7:59 PM on Aug. 28, 2013

  • im sorry. i think you deserve better, and you should find someone who is there for you full time. it sounds like this guy is a commitment phobe and you don't need that.

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:00 PM on Aug. 28, 2013

  • I agree with all of you and Feralxat is the closest to what I was thinking at the time. I felt like he got a better offer from his brother being his support and it was easy to set me aside again. I guess I will die loving this man but there are worse things than loving someone

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:10 PM on Aug. 28, 2013

  • Thank you for your comments. I think I just needed something to give me a little strength to get me over the hump

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:14 PM on Aug. 28, 2013

  • I guess I will die loving this man
    Don't say that. If my kid's great grandmother was able to find her true love after her husband of 50+ years passed there is hope for us all :)

    Answer by feralxat at 8:16 PM on Aug. 28, 2013

  • As a sometimes friend I guess it is alright but if there is more then I am going to be harsh and say to end this. It isn't healthy for you. (I can't say about him) It is preventing you from exploring other relationships because you feel you are in one already. Personally I would say to cut the ties altogether , because it would be very easy just to fall back into being his comforter
    My FIL just got married this last year at 83. She is 65 and they are like two teenagers.
    You are not to old until you give up all your possibilities.

    Answer by Dardenella at 8:17 PM on Aug. 28, 2013