• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

My fiance slapped his rebellious teenage daughter. Now what?

My fiancé and I clearly support and love one another. His daughter, once again did not like being told no, and as always has to keep asking "but why". She can never just accept anything and it again escalated from there. She stormed off yelling, slammed her bedroom door & came out being disrespectful again, then stormed out of the house. He ran after her but she kept going, so gave up. Later he found her at a friends & she continued the argument the ride home, in front of the house and so on, despite his several attempts telling her he is no longer discussing the matter, and asking she keeps her voice down. I will say, at that point I wanted to give her a good old ass kicking as my parents would have done if I acted the way she was. Resorting to violent behavior I know is not the solution. She began to yell at me and he lost it from there and slapped her, she stormed off screaming this is child abuse. Now what?

Answer Question
 
lagirl400

Asked by lagirl400 at 9:49 AM on Aug. 29, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • welcome to cafemom

    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 9:52 AM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • It all depends on if she reports it to someone.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:53 AM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • eh...I slapped my daughter twice. Once when she was like 12 and again when she was 14?
    never got that bad again. I felt like shit for it both times, but you know what? She says now that she completely understands why it happened and that it DID make her stop and think.
    I am NOT proud of it, but she KNOWS I love her and we are fine (she is almsot 20 now)

    I would not say it is abouse, if it was like one slap and it had escalated that much. It is unfortunate, but now you move on and hoppe it never gets to that point again. Sounds like everyone needs to sit and talk this out. And she needs to know he loves her and that he is sorry

    I think if this is a common occurrance- then - that is another thing
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:17 AM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • *abuse/ hope
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:17 AM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • perhaps some therapy.....she obviously has some anger issues and maybe you guys need a nuetral party to learn to communicate better.
    AngZacc

    Answer by AngZacc at 11:08 AM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • Well, how hard did he hit her? Did it leave a mark? If not, then it probably wasn't crossing the line into abuse, at least not legally. Time to sit down when everybody is calm and talk about some new ground rules, maybe an all-stop code word that will allow any one of you to pull the plug on an argument before it gets out of hand. It sounds like you both tried to do that, but if the girl feels that she also has the power to de-escalate situations, she may be more likely to shut it down before she provokes her dad to that point again.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:10 AM on Aug. 29, 2013

  •   several attempts telling her he is no longer discussing the matter


     


    I don't understand how one attempts to tell someone they aren't going to argue anymore. You either do it or don't

    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:12 AM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • BALLARD: When someone continues on and on, does not stop what else do you do? You tell them to stop, the discussion is over. When they continue, what does one do again? They repeat it. He walked away, she followed still wanting to discuss. He turned around and again told her to stop. He walked away again, she continued to cry, yell, cry "why, I don't understand". Several attempts yes were made to end it, she would not let go, as always, wanting an exact answer right then and there as to why the answer was no, when asked for something.
    lagirl400

    Comment by lagirl400 (original poster) at 11:37 AM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • I dont understand why you are calling out BALLAD.
    She put responsibility for de- escalation on the child. Not the parent.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:58 AM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • I response to what do you do. You say we can discuss this further when you are calm and respectful and not before. Turn and walk away and do not respond. Carry on your life as if she were not screaming.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:42 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.