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4 Bumps

How to gracefully avoid this

I am part of a group with a lot of other parents. The group was started by one woman, several years ago, when her kids were young. Her kids are now almost grown - 2 are, and the 3rd is only a couple of years away from adulthood. So, the woman who started the group is beginning to look ahead to when she has no children, and thus no real purpose for being in the group. She's already contemplating who should take over when she leaves. She's told me she thinks I'd be great at it.

I'm extremely flattered that she thinks that, I really am. But the truth is, I'm not so sure I would be so good at it. And even if I would be, I just don't think I want to take on the responsibility. I've organized one event for the group, and it was an enormous hassle that had me ready to tear my hair out by the time it was done. Plus, I have my own kids and job and life that I have to deal with, and I just don't see myself being able to add this to my plate without everything, including the group, suffering.

The thing is, she's not looking for me to take over right now, so I'm not sure what to do. Do I just tell her right now that I'm not really interested in taking over? Or do I wait until she approaches me in a year or two and tell her then? I feel like waiting would be kind of rude, because then she might be ready to leave but has to stay until she finds someone else, but I also feel that telling her now might be presumptuous because she didn't ask me to take over, merely said that she's thought of me for it and thinks I'd be great at it.

I also don't want to risk making things awkward (for me or for her) by saying it the wrong way, so I'm not sure exactly how I would tell her.

Any suggestions on what I should do?

(I do come here regularly, but I'm going anon because my screen name is fairly easily recognizable and I'd hate for her or another member of the group to come across this, and I can't be sure none of them are on here.)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Aug. 29, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Tell her that although you are flattered after talking it over with your husband, you feel you wouldn't have enough time to devote to the group and do as good of job as she has, surely there is someone else that you think would enjoy doing it? I would suggest her name, and tell her once again that you are so thankful she came to you first, and that YOU were her first choice will never be spoken of to anyone else in the group.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 1:44 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • Obviously I do not know what this group entails so I can not give any advice on the possibilities of making it work for you.
    The crux of the matter is that you do not WANT to and so should not.

    I think I would just tell her that you ar very flattered but do not feel you are up to the task and think someone else might be better suited and have the time to devote to the group.

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:47 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • I think you say nothing since she is not ready ready. You can cross that bridge when you get there. You may change your mind in two years as well.

    Just smile at the thought for now, but no reason to turn anything down because you are not there yet.

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 1:59 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • I think honesty will be your best policy on this one. Just tell your friend that you appreciate her thinking of you as a possible future group leader, but you don't feel comfortable with the idea and you wanther to have time to come up with someone else.

    Answer by Ballad at 2:00 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • Perhaps you can suggest to her that you can help her pick someone out who would be suited for the task? And if need be (and you're up for it) you can help the person you pick when they need the help?

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 2:17 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • Thank you, ladies, for all your suggestions. Those are all very helpful, and I'm going to take them all into consideration.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:02 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • The other thing you could do is team up with someone else who's been involved with the group for a long time too. Perhaps someone who has strengths that differ from your own. Two heads are better than one!

    Answer by KPBMom at 8:07 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • She should create a post asking who would be interested in taking over when she retires from the group. Then she could narrow it down.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:29 AM on Aug. 30, 2013

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