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An old friend.. (I'm going anon because she might be on here)

I spoke to an old friend on facebook last night. She and I grew up together, were the best of friends for years (20+ yrs).
6 yrs ago I moved about 2 hours away, she had come for my wedding (she was my maid of honor), got stupid drunk at my house (where we had the reception), was crying about her then boyfriend, that she brought along, and pretty much made the day/evening about her.. My Hubby was very upset, and said he didn't want her back at our home if she was going to disrespect me, and our wedding day. She didn't say she was sorry, and they left because she and her boyfriend were fighting. (She's since married him)
So 6 years have passed, and we don't keep in touch. I thought it was because we've both been so busy with kids, our lives, over the past few years. But, she tells me that my Sister (that lives near her) told her that my Husband hates her, and that's why she hasn't made a trip to see us, and not stayed in touch with me.
My Sister and I do not speak. She's a drunk, and I don't want her around my kids, and she knows it. My Husband never said anything like that to her, or anyone for that matter. He was just upset for me when he said he didn't want her at our home if she was going to disrespect us. But my friend knew he was upset, but he never said he hated her.
I'm not sure if the friendship is worth saving. We didn't argue during the conversation on facebook, it just seemed weird after she told me what my Sister said to her. Apparently she and my Sister are good friends now, and they never really knew each other until 6 yrs ago at my wedding... I'm sorry if this didn't make sense.
During the conversation I told her I was sorry for not being a good friend, and not staying in touch like I should have. I was hoping it was a way to try to get our friendship back on track. But instead it opened the door for her to tell me what my Sister said about my Husband hating her. Ugh, I just wanted to turn off my computer and pretend the conversation never took place. But I didn't. I told her I stay way from my Sister because of the drama she creates. I also told her I was sorry for what she said to her, and that my Husband doesn't hate her. She then said it's no big deal, and we should get together sometime for lunch, but she won't come here. My question is, if it's not a big deal, then why bring it up in the first place, and why not come here to visit? I realize because she doesn't believe me when I tell her that my Husband doesn't hate her, but we're adults, not seventh graders..... What do you all think? TIA


Asked by Anonymous at 8:33 PM on Aug. 29, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Well, the things your husband said (though justified, don't get me wrong) could be construed as "he hates her." So though she didn't get it exactly right, your sister probably wasn't trying to exaggerate.

    With that said, though, this "friend" basically ruined your wedding day. She is now friends with your sister, whom you don't speak to. Those are two strikes against her, in my opinion. If she had come to you after that day and said, "Wow, you know, I was really stupid and selfish and I am so sorry that I ruined your day" or something along those lines, I'd say maybe you could work this out. But she didn't - and in fact, you apologized to her, which you shouldn't have. First, she ruined your day, not the other way around. Second, your husband and your sister are the ones who said the things that would require apologies, if any apologies needed to be made, meaning they would be the ones to apologize.

    She's not worth it.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:55 AM on Aug. 30, 2013

  • That sounds like a lot of drama and I personally don't have time for drama in my life.


    Answer by JeremysMom at 8:41 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • I realize because she doesn't believe me when I tell her

    Why do you want to have anything to do with someone who thinks youre a liar and who never bothered, in 6 years, to ask you about the situation?

    Answer by feralxat at 8:47 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • Oh yeah. Because everyone needs a friend who thinks they lie.

    Answer by feralxat at 8:57 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • I think she is taking the wait and see approach. I would probably do the same.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:22 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • Yep, I think I answered my own question.... I think if she messages me to say hi on facebook that will be enough for me....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:45 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • Hurtful words can cause long term pain, even if they are lies, or spoken in anger or jealousy or pain.

    If the friendship matters to both of you, it should be easy to communicate without either of you having to make a two-hour trip. Whatever your sister perceived at the time and said to your friend should not get in the way.

    You might suggest to your friend that "jealousy" may have been a motivation, and you would prefer she not discuss anything about you or your renewed friendship with your sister. It's all water under the bridge. You have both lost enough time over insensitive and hurtful comments, and it needs to be put in the past.

    Answer by Joious at 8:53 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • Well if I was told my friends husband hated me by her sister I would have asked you right away instead of waiting years. I'm not sure it's a friendship worth fighting for if it were you two would have done that years ago. Good luck.

    Answer by skinnyslokita at 9:38 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • Yep, I think I answered my own question.... I think if she messages me to say hi on facebook that will be enough for me...=OP

    Sounds like a plan. ;)

    Answer by tessiedawg at 9:48 PM on Aug. 29, 2013

  • Honestly, I'd let it go. Your friend sounds like a drama queen. She's still making everything about her. Who needs it?

    Answer by Ballad at 10:05 PM on Aug. 29, 2013