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What should I do?

I am married. It has been a difficult marriage for many reasons. There is lack of communication, no more trust bc of an emotional affair my husband had, I am the breadwinner and feel as though I have supported my husband most of our marriage. I can't talk to him and I don't feel happy or myself with him. I also have a guy friend who I feel like I should have married. We were never intimate but I feel 100% comfortable and myself with him. He makes me feel all things that a husband should make his wife feel. I guess I am kinda having an emotional affair now too, and I probably try to justify it bc I feel like I don't have the support of my husband to just talk to about everything. All he does is work. He doesn't take me out. He never spends money on me and I just feel like I am alone in this marriage. I do love him, but I don't know if that is enough anymore to stay. I am so confused.

Answer Question

Asked by Fidelita at 2:58 AM on Aug. 31, 2013 in Relationships

Level 5 (90 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Divorce your husband before you become involved with any one else.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 3:01 AM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • Sense you are the bread winner in the family. Give him notice to get his financail shit together.Now! Cuase you want out of the marriage.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:54 AM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • At this point, I'd say you should try counseling first. If issues can't be resolved or improved upon, then your next step is to talk to a lawyer. But please don't get involved with this other man unless you are ending the marriage. You cannot fully commit to trying to make it work, if you are not in it 100%. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:33 AM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • Definitely sounds like you need to leave it ASAP. Don't let your soul die trying to make something work, when you are the only working on the relationship. Do not be afraid of change. Follow your heart. Another reason is to reduce the stress that takes a toll on you mentally and physically. People in bad relationships tend not to live as long and tend to have heart complications according to studies. Life has given you all the signs, now you must act to create a new chapter. Only you can take that first step.Both he and you will be better off with other people. Stop supporting him financially. Call up a divorce lawyer. Move out, get separated legally. Once you taste the freedom, there's no turning back. It sounds like you've thought about it a lot and been through a lot. Things won't get better unless you act to make them better. Good luck and take care!


    Answer by hellokittykat at 8:07 AM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • divorce him

    Answer by smiley745 at 9:00 AM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • You are too young to be tied down to a user. He will only get worse with age. Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side until you get there. This guy you admire may just want you for one reason. Best to get YOUR life straightened out before starting another relationship.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:00 AM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • I agree 100 percent with ILovemyPaulie.
    But I'm leaning toward divorce for you.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:21 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • If you want out, there's nothing wrong with that. But do it for yourself, not because you have another relationship to run to with someone you believe will make up for what your husband has been lacking. And I learned the hard way, both parties need to end their prior relationships completely before embarking on a new venture. It's a lot cleaner that way for everyone involved.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:32 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • This could have been a description of my marriage many years ago (except for the affair part.). We have now been married almost 49 years. You need to get away from the other man and concentrate on your husband and marriage. Get yourself a copy of The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, read it and go from there.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:14 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • Thank you all so much for the advice. This other guy, just to be clear lives far from me. We only talk, and seldom at that. He is really just a friend that I can talk to about everything. A respectable man at that bc even he has told me that he does not want to be a home wrecker or the reason I leave a marriage. He thinks that I need to just figure it all out on my own, but definitely thinks I deserve better. I know better than to get involved with someone while married, it is just nice to have a person that I can turn to, to hear me out. I always knew marriage wasn't easy but I also think it shouldn't be this hard when you love someone. I definitely think I will seek God first and counseling second. Again, I truly appreciate all of your thoughts.

    Comment by Fidelita (original poster) at 1:58 AM on Sep. 1, 2013

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