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2 Bumps

My daughter is going to have a baby in about a month

Her husband is the coach (seems right to me) and her friend is he back up coach. Friend has been to no classes and has never had a baby.
She has informed her father and I that she will not be allowed visitors after she is induced. She and her doctor think this is smart. Do not ask me why because I have not gotten a good answer to this. When I said that I had never heard of such a thing she got upset and amended it to , you can be there when I am pushing. Well of course not.
Here is my question actually two:
Should I be upset that she wants this friend in the birthing room and not me, her mother?
Should I take this as she does not want me there at all until after the baby is born?

The act is that I am hurt and her father and I do feel like we are being shoved away. It is her baby and her choice, but we are not happy. We were informed his parents will be there a few hours after induction, though.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Aug. 31, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Why in the hell do you want to see your married grown child's vagina?
    It's her body, her baby, her delivery.
    And I'll tell you now- make a stink about it and you may be uninvited to anything else having to do with the kid.

    Doesn't matter what her reasoning is, Keep your mouth shut and never say another word on the matter.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 3:01 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • Some people prefer not to have a bunch of people in the room while laboring. I was one of those types. I barely wanted my husband there, to be honest. You have an entire lifetime to be with baby.

    And although you were "informed" his parents would be there they'll probably be in the waiting room like everyone else. Don't start the birth of this baby out on the wrong foot
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 2:51 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • Once an induction starts, usually the baby is born within a few hours. With both my pregnancies, I went in the night before with my DH (he slept there with me) to have a cervix ripener inserted. The next morning, they started the pitocin at 7am. Both babies were born before 12 noon. It goes fast & labor is FAST & HARD contractions. I only had my DH there. If my Sister chose to come in then I was fine with that. BUT I did NOT want my Mom/MIL or Father in there AT ALL! They all made me too nervous because they all think they know better than any Nurse & have the attitude to prove it. I needed a clear head to relax. Everyone saw the babies after I got comfortably into my Hospital bed & freshened up. Too many people are not a good idea for these reasons too:The Nurses need space to do what they do. There needs to be quiet. the baby should be able to quietly spend those first few minutes after being born to latch on to Mom.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:54 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • I think you should honor her requests. I was at the hospital with both of my daughters' births, but only actually in the room with the second. Trust me, it's not something you want to see... I was scared to death knowing "what" can go wrong, etc.... (I'm in medical). Just be there for her. If she wants you, she will ask for you. I wouldn't be offended.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 2:57 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • with my first i was a mess afterwards.. i bled a lot more then anyone had warned (literally adult diapers) but we lived out of state so it was just me and my dh. it was nice to be alone and rest and just enjoy the baby all to ourselves for a couple days. we tried to recreate that with each child but when we had our second our moms invaded the hospital. i asked that they stay home and we would call when she came and tell them to come. they both ignored us and came anyhow. my mom was actually yelling at nurses trying to get in and was upset i didn't change my mind and let her in. it took away from my daughters birth and added unneeded stress. don't do that to your daughter.
    nnh_mama

    Answer by nnh_mama at 2:58 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • Granted, I'm not close to my mother. But the last thing I wanted during labor and delivery was to have anybody around except the baby's father. If the father hadn't been around, I would have chosen a good female friend to help me, not a family member. It's a vulnerable time, and what each woman wants or needs will be different. I can see where you would feel pushed away, but try to honor your daughter's request. Birth is only the very beginning, and not even the best part of the life of a child. You'll have years and years to be there for your daughter and grandchild.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:12 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • My mother and mother-in-law were both gone before DH and I were married and had our son. Be grateful you are here to be a part of this child's life instead of worrying about trivial bullshit.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 3:41 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • I didn't want ANYONE, just my husband. It was OUR baby. You can be the first visitor.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:50 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • so the babys father, the friend and his parents are all allowed to visit her and you and your husband are the only ones waiting until AFTER the baby is out to go in?? do you guys not have that close of a relationship? just try and relax and rememeber that the day is not about you. Its about your daughter and whatever makes her feel comfortable in the labor process. and most importantly its about just making sure that baby comes out healthy. once baby comes how she got here wont matter so much.
    nnh_mama

    Answer by nnh_mama at 2:52 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • My mother was there with my husband and I but in all honesty I would have prefered it just me and my husband. This had absolutely NOTHING to do with my mother personally, but she wasn't there when our son was conceived (duh) so I felt the birth was the next step to be shared between be and my husband only. Plus, mothers have a tendency to tell you this and that while you're in labor and that's the last thing you want to hear!! I let her be there because I knew she'd be sad too so I didn't bother telling her no. In the end it was fine.

    It is normal to feel badly that she chose her friend to coach over you, but you have absolutely no right to question her decision. It is her child, her delivery, let her do it how she wants.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 6:46 PM on Aug. 31, 2013