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3 Bumps

Really unhappy and feel bad about it too

I'm not happy in my relationship anymore but feel I have to stay and try to work it out. I love him and am pregnant with his child but I'm unhappy. Since being with him I have no friends, I don't go anywhere or do anything for myself. I clean his house and take care of his children and it feels like in return I get nothing. Even when he asks me a question and I answer honestly he gets pissed off at me. It's not fair.
I had been kind of hanging out with a guy before I meet my boyfriend but it wasn't going where I wanted it too and since dropping that, the guy has been trying to get with me since, not just in a sexual way either. He doesn't even care that I'm pregnant, he said that makes no difference. I'm confused I miss this other guy a lot and I keep turning him away because of my relationship. I don't want to do anything that would hurt my boyfriend. I'm trying to workout my unhappiness in this relationship but so far it's not working. I want to feel like I'm not alone especially since I feel like I'm alone in raising his kids that aren't even mine and cleaning a house he doesn't lift a finger in. I've no idea what I should do. I feel terrible for even thinking of this other guy but can't help myself, I don't understand why I can't just settle for what I have.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on Sep. 2, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • NEVER SETTLE!!

    We are given one life and I firmly believe we make the best out of it to insure OUR happiness!
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 9:53 PM on Sep. 2, 2013

  • I would say if you are not married you should go, take some time away. As KT says, never settle.
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 9:55 PM on Sep. 2, 2013

  • " Since being with him I have no friends, I don't go anywhere or do anything for myself. "

    Why is this the case? Is HE keeping you from these things? If so WALK NOW. THIS SECOND. Isolation is a hallmark of an abuser. And if you're not happy, you don't love him. You happen to be impregnated with his sperm, that's ALL.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:24 PM on Sep. 2, 2013

  • We never have any money for me to have gas in my car, he didn't like any of my friends and would throw a big fit every time I'd see one of the best friends I use to have :( I always feel alone I've tried really hard not to feel alone or isolated but it's so hard. I do love him but I'm really unhappy with feeling the way I do. I'm wanting a lot more than what I'm getting from this relationship and every time it's brought up he assumes I'm just leaving.. I didn't bring it up to him to leave, I brought it up so that we could work through it or try to repair it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:34 PM on Sep. 2, 2013

  • and his redeeming qualities are?

    I'd leave.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:41 PM on Sep. 2, 2013

  • You are unhappy and feel alone and isolated. And from your answer to gdiamate's questions, he is isolating you. That is a HUGE red flag.

    You need to get some counseling and make a plan to leave. It does not matter that you are pregnant with his child or not. He is on the road to abusing you, do you think your child should grow up witnessing and then growing up to either end up with or do the same thing?

    Get away. Learn to love yourself and raise your child. Once you concentrate on yourself and your child, love will find a way. Never settle.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 10:43 PM on Sep. 2, 2013

  • I see NOTHING to love in the situation you describe. Please ask yourself WHY you love him. And the answer cannot be, "Because I'm carrying his baby." For the purpose of this exercise you are to FORGET you're pregnant.

    The answer also CANNOT be "because the sex is good." For the purposes of this exercise he cannot have sex EVER AGAIN.

    Also out of the running: He puts a roof over my head. Dependency IS NOT love. If he lost his job and you had to live on the street, would the love vanish?

    I've yet to see a redeeming quality for this person. Can you change that image?
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:00 PM on Sep. 2, 2013

  • The sex is horrible. He only goes for 2-5 minutes.. He does go out of his way to get me what I want. He'll go out at 10pm just to get my fresh fruit if I'm craving it, he also helped me get a car when I totaled mine. He's trying to do things that'll make me happy but he doesn't realize I want my friends and I want to do things like get a pedi or even a hair cut. If I'm not feeling well he will go get me soup or do the running around that needs to be done. He lets me decorate any way I want and doesn't complain about it being girly.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:15 PM on Sep. 2, 2013

  • Then TELL Him you need your friends.

    You want to save this? COUNSELING. IMMEDIATELY. And if he won't go, then the relationship is already dead.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:26 PM on Sep. 2, 2013

  • You can love a person and not be married or committed to them. He sounds like he has a lot of grey. He has some black, some white.. And at the end of the day, it isn't enough for you to make an easy decision. He could go either way, right?
    Bottom line that you need to think if here is: 1- yourself because any kids you are responsible for will need you to be healthy and strong, and 2- the kids. He is not winning any awards for Father of the Year. What does he offer your baby? And what does your baby get if you are unhappy too? Sex does not matter here and it sounds like it sucks anyway so it makes it easier to get your priorities in order. Do you have a way of supporting yourself after the baby is born? You need to think about how you can be successful as a single mom. He will need to provide child support and it will be hard for a while but no matter what, you will be better off standing on your own 2 strong feet.
    FierceMomLove

    Answer by FierceMomLove at 12:11 AM on Sep. 3, 2013

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