Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How to deal with my 12 year old daughters attitude? adult content

Hi my 12year old daughters attitudes as now left the house and entered the classroom. I'm in close contact with her teacher and have met with him several times to discuss how I can help her. She's not taking her education seriously and uses school to have a bit of a social with friends. She has one volume which is loud/shouting and is causing lots of stress in the whole family including our 5yr old. She blames her lack of learning and attitude on the fact that we emigrated from the UK 3 years ago. We have explained we have no plans to go and live in the UK but did enjoy a holiday to UK Xmas tim. We are renovating our first home, mum and dad both work full time and I feels he is using our lack of time to her advantage as she says she's done and handed in her homework yet hasn't. We are now eindering if the private school costing $4k a year she is due to attend next year is worth paying for. Thanks for your help Jo

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:03 AM on Sep. 4, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (10)
  • She blames her lack of learning and attitude on the fact that we emigrated from the UK 3 years ago.
    This has been going on for 3 years?

    She has one volume which is loud/shouting
    literally or figuratively?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 8:13 AM on Sep. 4, 2013

  • It's been going on since Jan this yr, previously she has been pretty good.
    She raises her voice when speaking resulting in shouting mainly all of the time, assuming she is very frustrated.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:30 AM on Sep. 4, 2013

  • She may need counseling to deal with any anger issues. It sounds like she needs more supervision/oversight. She says she's done her homework? Ask to see it, check it. Says she doesn't have homework when she actually does? Work out a system with the teacher where she writes down assignments in a notebook then has teacher sign, every afternoon you look at what is assigned, make sure it is completed and sign. She does nothing unless her grades are satisfactory (in my house that's all As) - no going out, no cell phone, no computer, no friends over, etc. Reward her good behavior.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:48 AM on Sep. 4, 2013

  • Our school has started a schoolwide program where every student gets a day planner, writes their assignments in it, the parent initials it every night, and the teacher checks for the initials the next day. It's up to the teacher if they check everyone or just the ones who need closer monitoring. That kind of system would probably solve a lot of the issue with your daughter wrt school work. If she knows she's being watched at both ends and will caught, she can't lie about it anymore (or rather she can, and end up looking really foolish when it's pointed out how obvious the lie is)
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 8:58 AM on Sep. 4, 2013

  • It's been going on since Jan this yr, previously she has been pretty good.
    Then it probably isnt a result of the move. How is school/ social life going?

    She raises her voice when speaking resulting in shouting mainly all of the time, assuming she is very frustrated.
    When you ask her. "Why are you yelling"? What does she say?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 8:59 AM on Sep. 4, 2013

  • My Husband moved over here from the UK when he was 10, until he was 13. He hated it here, so he then moved back to live with his Dad. He then moved back over here when he was 30 yrs old, and has been here for 14 yrs. It took him a while to figure out what he really wanted. His Mom said he rebelled, to the point where she had to let him go back home.

    If letting her return isn't an option, then you might want to look into family counseling. Don't make her go at it alone, she needs a strong support system. Stick to your word, and carry through with any consequences to her attitude.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:47 AM on Sep. 4, 2013

  • One thing we did about homework was have our son write down the assignment in his notebook OR that there was no homework. He then would have the teacher initial that. That way we knew what was expected. And the techer would then initial that the homework was handed in. He did not like getting used to this system but actually developed a closer relationship with is teachers because of it. Just one idea. GL
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 10:33 AM on Sep. 4, 2013

  • There's a lot going on here, and I think counseling might be a good way to get answers. One practical thing for the shouting though, that has worked for my stepson with emotional issues--as your daughter starts to raise her voice, lower yours. Keep your voice firm, calm, and quiet. Your daughter may want to escalate the situation by yelling, because then the argument becomes more about how she's conducting herself, and less about the real issues. If you take that weapon away from her by refusing to get caught up in the noisy confrontation, she may be more likely to talk about what's really going on.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:26 PM on Sep. 4, 2013

  • Well, I remember 12. That's when I lost my way for a while. Had 2 great parents but still acted a fool. I did keep up with my grades tho, so the others have already suggested great ways to keep up on that end of it. Maybe some family counseling isn't a bad idea. It will give you all some tools on how to deal with certain issues & hopefully lower the volume on her too. GL. Adolescence isn't fun. :/
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:40 PM on Sep. 4, 2013

  • she has been going through a lot of changes, its hard enough being a teen and has been taken from a place she felt secure I don't think private school would make a difference. she may just need to speak with a therapist to be able to get all her feelings out.
    Nona719

    Answer by Nona719 at 9:10 AM on Sep. 5, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.