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I can't handle my two year old.

My two year old boy is getting so hard to handle, that I have to catch myself from breaking down crying. He crys and whines over every and any little thing. He does not listen at all! He is distructive, when I go to spank him; he hits me back, and falls out balling and screaming! He learned a new thing now where he will go to the bathroom , and close the door on me.

He gives me a headache, and anxiety... He makes me feel like I'm going to lose it, seriously. I just want to cry, and cry, and cry, and eventually disappear!!! He is so hard to handle! I put him in time out, and he will get quiet, but as soon as I let him out, he starts acting up again. His father and I are separated, and his father says he does not act like that with him. He says that I spoil him too much...

I don't know what to do at this point?
I feel like I'm going to break ladies.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Sep. 5, 2013 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (13)
  • Don't hit him anymore. Does the father hit him?

    Answer by staciandababy at 3:09 PM on Sep. 5, 2013

  • I know the feeling. it will be okay. try and relax and take a deep breath and know that this is normal for the age!! some people have easy going kids who are always happy and rarely misbehave while others have kids that hardly follow the rules.. then there are those like me who have both haha. just try and understand that he is at an age where he is testing the limits and doesn't FULLY understand everything yet.. so its easier to throw a tantrum rather then listen to you explain why he cant have another cookie before dinner (or whatever the issue of the moment is) he is also trying to try out a new found freedom perhaps and also if you and your ex are recently separated he could be acting out a little because of it.. just try and be the same about everything. Don't give in because once you give in to the tantrums then he knows they work.. and he can continue them. Maybe he would benefit from some sort of reward system..

    Answer by nnh_mama at 3:10 PM on Sep. 5, 2013

  • I rarely ever hit him! If I do it's a spank in the hand, or the butt, everyone says I actually need to start disciplining him more.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:10 PM on Sep. 5, 2013


    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 3:11 PM on Sep. 5, 2013

  • Don't spank. It's not helping. Take the door off the bathroom for the time being, just to ensure he cannot hurt himself.

    Talk with your pediatrician TODAY. Sometimes these behavioral issues are deeper than simply a lack of discipline. In fact, efforts at discipline can make things WORSE with some children.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:19 PM on Sep. 5, 2013

  • ugh my second post didn't post and the damn internet shut off on me!! uuggh..

    try using a chart with stickers or a jar with marbles. when he gets to a certain point he gets a new little toy or something.. idk how much time he spends outside but I notice for my daughter its best to keep her outside as much as possible during the day.. burning all that energy and keeping her busy. then she crashes for a afternoon nap. Also spanking never really worked for me as she started to hit me back( it hard to tell them no hitting while spanking them) time out worked well for me but you need to follow through. you cant give warnings and say stop or else.. you just have to do it. even if that leads to a big screaming match.. in the long run he wont do it anymore. When I go food shopping with my kids I tell them they can get a treat when we leave if they are good. (candy or a fruit snack).. when they are bad and get nothing it leads..

    Answer by nnh_mama at 3:19 PM on Sep. 5, 2013

  • to some tears and yelling but you bet that the next time we are in the store they are happy and quiet and listening.. lol but over all this is how MANY two year olds are.. they will grow out of it as long as you teach them.. maybe talk to your ex about what he does.. ALSO... go out and have a mommy day!! get your nails done, or hair, or go to a movie or dinner with some girl friends.. try and get some relaxation time in and don't ever be afraid to ask for help!!!!

    Answer by nnh_mama at 3:22 PM on Sep. 5, 2013

  • I agree. Take spanking out of the discipline regimen, stay calm during time outs and realize that this kid just has a ton of energy. Re focus to activities that are positive and use energy. Like kicking a ball outside, digging a hole in the dirt or sand, running at the park, etc. Calm down, his tantrums and tears are not your tears. He's mad and frustrated- not mama. Mama needs a break. Step back a little bit and try to remove yourself from the emotions you are experiencing. It's not the end of the world for a 2 year old to not listen or be destructive. It happens, try tickling when you're at the end of your rope or just put him somewhere safe and walk away. Go to the library and get some books on gentle parenting and active children.

    Answer by staciandababy at 3:45 PM on Sep. 5, 2013

  • There's a lot going on, and obviously there are no quick fixes. But I'm wondering if the toddler is picking up on your stress. He starts crying or whining, you feel like bursting into tears, he senses that and escalates, you get spun up more, and pretty soon both of you are melthing down. Try to find ways of de-escalating the situation. If he asks for something, say no calmly and firmly, and don't try to give him an explanation as he weeps and wails. If he keeps asking, repeat the same "no" calmly, like a broken record. Don't let him get you revved up because then he has the power. If he raises his voice, lower yours. Set up his room so that it's safe and you can put him there and walk away if you need to. Then, try playing with him when he isn't acting out. Get silly. Tickle him, or play hide-and-seek under your covers, anything that will make him laugh. Introduce positive interactions into your dynamic.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:36 PM on Sep. 5, 2013

  • You need to ignore what he's doing. Yes it's the opposite of what you'd expect. This is where children become explorers and test the limits to see where they are. Use non-specific attention. When you see him doing something good ( which I know it's rare to start) then compliment him or hug him. It could be something as simple as sitting watching TV, " I like the way you're sitting. Is it a good show?" Block him from hitting, but do not make eye contact and say nothing. If he's in no danger walk away and don't let him engage you. When he is being destructive tell him to stop. If he doesn't remove him to time out. Sit with him if you have to, but again no words no eye contact. Reward him if/when he does listen to you. It will take some time. Try to understand he's not really trying to upset you. he's curious. If he requires a 8 of attention on a 1-10 scale he will get it whether it's positive or negative.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 5:42 PM on Sep. 5, 2013

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