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2 Bumps

My new, husband's is a control freak/mom. Yuk!

I am a newlywed, and I have been married before for 15 years, although this is the first, time my husband has been married. We are both in our mid-40's. I have an 11 year old son from my previous marriage. My husband is everything a man should be in masculinity and being a provider, but he is like a kid that just needs attention all the time. Even to the point where he becomes like a mom. He wants to tell me how to cook, how to do everything (he's also retired from 20 years in the military soon) and it's unappealing really. I am 45 (will be 46 in 8 days) and I have lived a very, satisfying and fulfilling, life. This is such an adjustment. Sometimes, I just feel that marriage is over-rated although that's the only way I will be in a long-term relationship. It's just too much at times and I felt more fulfilled, single and just taking care of my son.

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Seward45

Asked by Seward45 at 10:57 AM on Sep. 7, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • you didn't notice his over bearing qualities before marrying him? I would talk to him about it.. maybe he is so used to shadowing guys in his military days he doesn't even realize he is doing it to you..
    nnh_mama

    Answer by nnh_mama at 10:59 AM on Sep. 7, 2013

  • there was no indication during the dating/ engagement period that he was controlling and demanding?
    really?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:02 AM on Sep. 7, 2013

  • So, you are annoyed with his personality, yet you let it get to the point where you actually married him? I don't understand that. You knew how he was going into the marriage, he isn't going to change now. If you were happier being single then you should have stayed that way.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 11:14 AM on Sep. 7, 2013

  • Just because somebody tells you how you ought to do something, doesn't mean you have to change the way you are doing it or even be bothered that he thinks you should do it another way. Nor does it mean that you have to be irritated by it. I don't see it as a control issue at all. He is free to offer his suggestions, just as you are free to ignore them. It's called being an adult and being comfortable in your own skin. The fact that he isn't pleased with every little thing you do or how you do it doesn't mean squat. It's just his opinion, so let him have it. You can listen to them. Who knows? He might even make a good suggestion every now and then!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:17 AM on Sep. 7, 2013

  • I agree with Nanny, just because he demands does not mean you must oblige, come to a happy medium.....
    older

    Answer by older at 11:24 AM on Sep. 7, 2013

  • feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:40 AM on Sep. 7, 2013

  • My dh is also a bit controlling like that although it's not his intent. He just came from an environment where if he didn't do something it didn't get done. It used to piss me off until I understood it. Now if he gets all freaky controlling, I just say "I guess you've got this and go do something else. He gets the message
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 11:45 AM on Sep. 7, 2013

  • Personally, I would find it peculiar that a Marin mp him mid 40's hadn't been married and I would probably have looked for queue's as to why that might be. Just as I would find a man that has had several marriages peculiar and would look for why that might be.
    At this point I would suggest talking to him about what bothers you, otherwise it won't stop and it will continue to get under your skin. If you don't think he will be able to communicate effectively then perhaps a marriage counselor would be a good thing to incorporate.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:53 AM on Sep. 7, 2013

  • Lol it's like QM auto correct is possessed by the spawn of satan today
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:00 PM on Sep. 7, 2013

  • Damn! Okay, I'm getting on the laptop. This iPad is driving me nuts.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:18 PM on Sep. 7, 2013

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