My mom doesn't like my husband. She liked him at first, but then an incident happened over a year ago when my husband was helping her move. I might add that most of the drama from that event was caused by her and yet she still blames my husband to this day. It doesn't help that a couple days after that happened, she somehow found out we had eloped even though we were planning a surprise way to tell her and my family the following week! She was pissed I hadn't included her, and by that point she thought of my husband as the biggest a-hole for secretly stealing me away and for the over-exaggerated events she recalled from moving day. Even a year and a half after all of that happened, she continues to bring up the moving event and how my husband 'tricked' me into marrying him along with other things she now doesn't like about him. The worst part is that she doesn't express her feelings directly to me. Instead she pretends that everything is fine and goes behind my back talking about my husband to other family members. When she visits, things even get said to my husband when I am out and then with me she acts like everything is great. So of course I find out how she really feels later. To make things worse, when she came to visit right before I went into labor with my son, she caused problems with my husband's family. She felt that my mother-in-law and my husband's aunt were trying to control my life, which is absolutely not the case at all. They may be opinionated (with good intentions), but they are very supportive of my husband's and my choices. But again, instead of expressing how she felt directly to them or me, my mom confided in my husband's other aunt, with whom she had connected while she was in town. That aunt told her sisters, so of course my MIL and I found out! This caused major tension and stress right before I was about to give birth, and it really puts a damper on the happy memories surrounding my son's birth. She still does not think she needs to apologize for her behind-the-back remarks about my MIL and her sister. They would be very forgiving if she would just apologize. So now when she comes to visit, things are just awkward and we can't have the two families together. What really hurts is that my mom and I used to be so close and able to tell each other everything, but now things are just awkward. I can't even mention my husband when I talk to her on the phone as she just ignores anything I say pertaining to him. She also does indirect, subtle, childish things to let me know how she's feeling, like go out of her way to do nice things for her nieces while blatantly ignoring me, pointing out how my cousin's fiance was nice enough to ask her father for her hand in marriage and how that's a sign of a true man, or saying at least my brother will be smart enough to marry a great woman. I know my mom is coming from a wounded place; not only does she have a chronic illness that is difficult to deal with, but also she feels betrayed that I didn't include her in my decision to get married. I assure you part of the reason I didn't include her was because I knew she'd blow up at some point about the man who was stealing me away (she did this with all my previous boyfriends). I love my mom, and I'm not one to hold these things against her. I'm just confused and not sure how to proceed from here to make things better. Perhaps I'm an enabler, but I don't like to introduce conflict especially because she's so wounded already from her illness, and she doesn't take well to any form of criticism, even if it is constructive because she takes on a victim mentality. I'm only posting to ask for some advice. I really want to improve our relationship, but I don't want her to be so disrespectful to my husband and his family. I miss having peaceful and fun family gatherings!Answer Question
Asked by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Sep. 7, 2013 in Relationships
Answer by silverthreads at 3:33 PM on Sep. 7, 2013
Answer by gdiamante at 3:34 PM on Sep. 7, 2013
Answer by louise2 at 4:04 PM on Sep. 7, 2013
Answer by Ballad at 4:34 PM on Sep. 7, 2013
Answer by KTElite at 4:43 PM on Sep. 7, 2013
My mom does not like my husband or his family. What should I do?
I think at this point I would sit down and tell her that if she cannot contain her resentment or anger toward him and stop talking about him behind his back then she is not welcome in your home. I would include that this isn't what you want to do, but that you will not stand for family members disrespecting him like that. Whatever happened with the move is over and done. If she wants to hold a grudge, then she can do it while sitting at home alone.
Answer by QuinnMae at 5:20 PM on Sep. 7, 2013
Answer by KTElite at 5:38 PM on Sep. 7, 2013
Answer by Mycutelittleboy at 6:29 PM on Sep. 7, 2013