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What do you tell your child to do when being harrassed(pushed, hit etc) by other children?

School has started for the older grades last week(my son starts kinder tomorrow) and our "lovely" neighbor boy's behavior has spiraled again. He was very pushy and "violent'(never anything life threatening but losts of shoving, jumping on, and some hitting) when we first moved in right before school let out and for a little bit after school ended. But his behavior got a lot better as summer went on. Now school started last wed. and he is horrible again. So much that our son has decided he doesn't want to play with him anymore. And rightfully so.

So just curious what do you tell your child to do if a child is being violent with them, both what should they do in the moment and afterwards?

Just curious

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tntmom1027

Asked by tntmom1027 at 1:03 PM on Sep. 8, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 27 (31,955 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I tell my kids that if someone hits them first then they can hit them back. I know it's against school policy, but all too often the schools coddle the bully and that further victimizes the victim. I tell my kids that I know they might get in trouble for standing up for themselves but that I would always have their back as long as they didn't start it.

    If someone is bothering them I tell them to avoid that person and ignore them. *unless of course it get's physical in which case I stand by the statement of standing up for themselves.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 1:06 PM on Sep. 8, 2013

  • Quinnmae: That is also what we tell my son. If someone is hitting you, pinning you on the ground etc. You can hit them back and then walk away. It's what my mother told me to do as well, but my biggest problem was with a boy when I was walking home from school.
    tntmom1027

    Comment by tntmom1027 (original poster) at 1:08 PM on Sep. 8, 2013

  • Fight back..... Why all the bullying questions? If a child never learns how to fight back, or stick up for themselves... how are they ever going to survive being an adult? Um... oh wait... THESE are kids that are shooting up the schools, right?

    Life is not easy... teach them that now.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 1:13 PM on Sep. 8, 2013

  • You have the right to protect yourself.
    You make it decisive and you walk away or if it works that way you give them a hand up.
    My kids each had some issues. For a while DD's brother was on hand and just stood there. lol.
    Both were taught that it is a see if I can intimidate you kind of thing and often when you strike back, it is over. You give a hand up an ask if "we are good".

    My little brother finally learned this lesson when he was ringed and had nowhere else to go. I wasn't there. But he finally listened to what I had been saying and waited for the right moment and put everything he had in he punch. They became friends after that.
    In most cases they will just steer clear.
    I agree that the schools in an effort to "sytop violence" actually promote it by protecting the buly
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:16 PM on Sep. 8, 2013

  • I saw the other questions and it made me think of it, because yesterday my son was playing outside and the other child was tackling him and shoving and hitting. i'm trying to instill in him to defend himself and to deal with the issues by himself but ask for help if needed, so I will usually wait to see how he handles it. I don't step in unless I think someone is going to get hurt. As it does nothing for me to tell the other child to stop. And he is going to deal with the same stuff at school and later in life.
    tntmom1027

    Comment by tntmom1027 (original poster) at 1:22 PM on Sep. 8, 2013

  • Fight back. If someone hits my kids they have all my permission to bust them back.
    I'm not the one who plays that bullshit.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 1:46 PM on Sep. 8, 2013

  • Boys tend to be very hands on. If they were playing around and one gets more aggressive you tell your son to stop playing with him. Some boys are more aggressive than others. Growing up my son was never the aggressive one he stayed away from the "pushy type" not really bullies just more hands on. I always told him to walk away and if it continued push back. He is now a grown man a Chief of the Fire department and Head 911 dispatcher. And go figure best friends with the "pushy" one!
    DJDNY

    Answer by DJDNY at 1:48 PM on Sep. 8, 2013

  • I told him not to be afraid to tell the teacher or the bus driver (etc) if someone is hurting him and he can't handle it himself - that we can't help him if we don't know it's happening. Friday he got off the bus and said that his one friend was hitting him, and she said he kicked her (not sure I believe he did, but I didn't see what happened, so I wasn't going to point fingers). I just told them that they're too good of friends to be fighting and to apologize and hug it out, because they needed to put it behind them and be nice to each other.

    I don't want my son raised to think that it's okay to punch back unless it's absolutely necessary, though. It's just not the way I believe in handling things for ourselves - no judgment in regard to anyone else. I've always been a pacifist like that. Some girl gave me a black eye in high school and I just laughed about it - laughed even harder when she got in trouble and I didn't ;)
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 3:24 PM on Sep. 8, 2013

  • What is the age difference in these two ?


    I would then enroll him in Martial Arts training and keep him away from this other kid. I would also talk to this kids parents. If they don't do anything about it, you can go to the school and see what can be done on their end.
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 8:43 PM on Sep. 8, 2013

  • The kid is about a year older. Hopefully we will be doing some type of martial arts soon. They won't really be around each other at school and the mother will just sit there and watch it happen lol
    tntmom1027

    Comment by tntmom1027 (original poster) at 9:58 PM on Sep. 8, 2013

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