I married my new husband 4 years ago, he WAS a weekend dad..my children are grown ages 25 and 21 one married and one in the military...he has a 13 year old daughter he's still raising. We've been living apart for 7 months due to his person problems with alcoholism and what that entails...we separated because he was sober yes...but he was a dry drunk and treated me very badly. in the meantime he has cleaned up and his emotional state is better. 2 years ago he got custody of his daughter because his ex was not fit to care for his daughter. My problem is he isnt putting this marriage first...he isnt focused on rebuilding it. I come second to his daughter, when he has time then he shows interest, only after his daughters needs wants and running around are over. I raised 4 boys and 1 girl total in my adult life... i raised very intelligent well adjusted adults..i met all their needs...NOT all their wants but needs. I always put their father first, until his passing. when i say he puts his daughter first this is what im talking about...we only see each other on the weekends, as she has school and we both have demanding jobs, with that said..we only have friday and sat night and sunday morning together. i proposed that she have all her chores done on thursday night, have her night on friday where she has friends over, goes to the movies etc...whatever she wants, all friends go home saturday at midmorning. saturday we hang out as a family saturday night is parents night..dinner and movie, wake up on sunday and have breakfast. This is not happening folks...this is WHAT is happening. Friday night...i dont hear from him, i call apparently they arent coming over because she wants to hang out with friends, go shopping a movie and have a sleep over but not at my home because its "boring" (i live on a farm) sooo no hubby friday,(i care for my elderly mother so i cant leave her alone at night) saturday morning he comes over without her..shes playing with friends at a neighbors so he cant stay long, she doesnt want to come over she wants to hang out with friends. ok, no hubby all day saturday, mean while i have made plans to go swimming with a friend. now hes pissed because he came by for a few minutes and i wouldn't drop what i was doing to come home. saturday night he shows up at 8 with no child...we spent evening watching the clock because she is now with other friends and he finally picks them up at 930pm comes to my house goes to bed...sunday morning, they go home because she didnt do any of her chores, now they spend the day doing her chores, cleaning her room laundry etc...my problem is this...if she is bored and wants to go home, they go, if at the last minute she decides she wants to hang out with friends i get cancelled on, if i fix dinner and she doesnt like it, in goes a totinos pizza, if she doesnt want to stay the night, well dad doesnt get to stay the night....i had a rule in my home as i raised kids, my spouse came first,he is my rock and will stay first priority. when dad arrived home kids knew not to bug him for 1 hour, that was his winding down time and our hello how was your day i love you hour. then he was all theirs until dinner time. my kids went to bed at 9 NOT 10 because from 9-10 was OUR time to cuddle and talk. Friday night was the kids day for sleep overs and friends and saturday afternoons were family time, saturday night was parents date night and sunday mornings was family breakfast..you ate what mom cooked, it was not a buffet.you were responsibleto have all your chores done prior to you going out on friday.
I cant get any time with hubby...she dominates every single moment. I have spent 5 years with these 2 and frankly im tired of it. A child that has no rules, no limitations and is allowed to call every shot to me is ridiculous. He does this because of guilt, her mother was a piece of crap and he wants to make her happy, even if it means her ruling everything and throwing tantrums if she doesnt get her way. i raised 2 sons of my own and 2 step sons and a niece, i know what its like to have blended families...i am a vetran. this is crazy to allow a child to rule a house by her demands and tantrums. AM I CRAZY???? he doesnt understand what im upset about, he truly does not see how she rules anything, he gives into her with this excuse "well i want her to be happy i dont want her to hate me" im beginning to feel as though this just isnt worth it anymore, my dr said i HAVE to decrease the stressors in my life, i have serious health issues...and lately ive begin to think that i dont want my last days clouded with stress and worry.....this is just silly.
Answer by Ballad at 12:09 AM on Sep. 10, 2013
Answer by Crafty26 at 10:53 PM on Sep. 9, 2013
Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:46 PM on Sep. 9, 2013
Answer by tempsingl3mom at 11:18 PM on Sep. 9, 2013
Answer by gdiamante at 11:39 PM on Sep. 9, 2013
Answer by Dardenella at 12:32 AM on Sep. 10, 2013
Answer by Dardenella at 12:34 AM on Sep. 10, 2013
Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:45 PM on Sep. 9, 2013
If his personal problems with alcohol have been resolved, then why not move back in with him to make it easier to work on your marriage. It's almost impossible to improve a marriage if you are separated.
Answer by JeremysMom at 11:23 PM on Sep. 9, 2013
Answer by Crafty26 at 11:33 PM on Sep. 9, 2013