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What to do....

I've been married for 7 years and my husband doesn't really have any conversations with me. But if we do have conversations, he's not really into our conversation and gets bored and inpatient with me. He rather surf the net. He's gotten close to his customer/ friend ( a female). They are in the same industry so they have more common things to talk about and he's always so patient talking to her. I don't think they're having an affair because she's married(not that it matters) but she lives overseas and only comes to the US about 2 times a year with her husband or by herself. I don't know. If it wasn't for our kids, it would be so much easier to make decisions. Why is it so hard to find a " best kind of friend," husband?

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anonymous478

Asked by anonymous478 at 12:39 AM on Sep. 10, 2013 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Sounds like you've hit the "seven year itch"
    Time to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your DH and tell him how you feel and how you miss his friendship.
    You might be surprised to see he may feel the same way as you.
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 12:50 AM on Sep. 10, 2013

  • Marriage takes effort. You want conversation, start one. Don't give up at one.
    You want cuddle time the spritz a little perfume and send the kids to be.
    Turn on some music and dance with or for hom and take him to the shower and wash him and massage him and rinse him. He can do the same. You can not just sit back on you heals and do nothing and expect anything to work out well.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:12 AM on Sep. 10, 2013

  • It sounds like you are describing distance between you. My guess is that he doesn't exactly "like" the distance but that it allows him to avoid the prospect of closeness, which feels threatening or uncomfortable. People avoid closeness (shutting down during conversations, preferring to surf the web) because of some feeling that is triggered, which they want to avoid experiencing! It's also possible that he feels helpless to address the problem, therefore wants to avoid the issue & feels anxious/agitated (thus gets avoidant) when "addressing the distance" comes up.

    My suggestion is to avoid diagnosing "the problem" and focus on speaking personally, when you do talk.
    Instead of using your disappointment & unhappy feelings to identify something wrong in your relationship, focus on identifying & sharing your own internal experience.
    (Diagnosing & focusing on external problems is another way of avoiding personal discomfort!)
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:21 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

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