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3 Bumps

Would this be tacky or thoughtful?

There was a death in what I refer to as my "soul family" today. It's a man from church, he's been like a grandpa to me and also to my daughter. I'm heartbroken.

The thing is, his wife is going to have a houseful of blood relatives for the next several days, which is as it should be. So I don't want to drop in over there till they get everything arranged. I'd like to send over some food tomorrow, but I don't have anything in the house to make for a crowd and I don't have transportation readily available. Would it be okay to call and find out what kind of pizza they all want, then just order it on my credit card and have it delivered there? Or would that be a social blunder; does the food need to be homemade like a casserole or a pot of chili or something?


Asked by Ballad at 12:54 AM on Sep. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Sorry Ballad. You know this family best, so you probably know what is ok with them. I have had pizza delivered in the past. I have also sent a sympathy card with gift cards in it for pizza, hamburgers, donuts, etc to be used after the fanfare has died down but they still don't feel up to cooking, grocery shopping,etc. I have had a lot of feedback that it was the perfect thing bc it could be used on their time according to their wishes... Sorry... Hugs to you

    Answer by Nimue930 at 12:52 PM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • I would say it depends on the family. If they're fancy-schmancy or major upper class, then I think I'd go with the traditional casserole type thing, however if they're blue collar types they'd probably be ok with pizza, or maybe even a basket of muffins or snacks or something.
    People always think dinner, but I know I'm not one for a big meal when I'm upset, but I'll snack all day.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:00 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • I would wait and take over a meal after all the relatives have left. Some of the nicest visits are those that come later when the bereaved is alone. And a lot of the initial food gets dumped because too much arrives right away. My condolences.

    Answer by silverthreads at 7:52 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • I'm sorry for your loss.

    Personally, I don't see anything wrong with the pizza and with all of the other arrangements and extra people around, I would think pizza would be a great option. Then again, I don't really worry too much whether something is a social blunder or not. I do what I want.


    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 1:05 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • As long as you called and asked, I don't see a problem with it, Granted, I'm pretty backwards and a major redneck.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:16 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • I would call and offer to bring over some freezer meals for the weeks ahead, you can't just assume they will want pizza... or be in a mood to answer the door for the delivery driver.

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:41 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • I wouldn't. They might take it as a sign that you were offended you weren't invited and you really don't want to add more stress to their lives on that day. I think I'd do the same thing as staciandababy - call and bring over some freezer meals for the weeks ahead but do it on the day AFTER the funeral.

    Answer by goldpandora at 3:47 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • My concern would be that they might not be hungry, or might have just eaten, when the pizza arrives. While it wouldn't exactly go to waste, I find it's a bit more difficult to store pizza boxes in my fridge than it is to store other things.

    I'd look into getting someone to help you maybe get a muffin basket or some cookies or something. If all else fails, you could always arrange a flower delivery - that lets them know you're thinking of them but doesn't require you to try to get out to get ingredients or get the item to them.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:33 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • ^^ took the words right out of my mouth/my fingers. I'll often offer a rotisserie chicken (so they have something hot) and makings for a salad. That way they can eat it immediately or later.

    I'm sorry for your loss.

    Answer by KPBMom at 10:31 AM on Sep. 11, 2013