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3 Bumps

How to cope with husband who doesn't want you to do ANYTHING without him?

This sounds almost ridiculous, because it would be the dream of many a wife, I'm sure. Don't get me wrong: I LOVE to spend time with my husband, and we have a lot of common interests. But there is one interest I have that he doesn't: food/cooking. I in fact earn part of my living writing about that very thing. But whenever I want to go to a "foodie" event (and bring him!), he throws a fit, doesn't want to go...or goes reluctantly and literally pouts, and then gets very angry afterwards. He says he "gave up" all of "his" friends when we got married, and just wants to spend time with me. He doesn't want to do anything without me, and doesn't want me to do anything without him. Sounded very romantic at first, until we got to the part where I have an interest that he doesn't. I'm tired of feeling guilty about it and don't know what to do. I can't even watch food-related TV shows when he is around or he throws a fit. Advice?

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AZmomBT

Asked by AZmomBT at 11:26 AM on Sep. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (31)
  • Can't you just tell him to knock it off? I mean, he doesn't want to be there, YOU don't want him to be there....can't you guys be adults and come up with some sort of compromise
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 11:32 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • Get a new life.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 11:33 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • Does he go to work without you?
    The foodie things sound like part of your work to me.
    Does he like to watch football or another sport that you do not care for?
    Are you expected to sit like a bump on a log while he watches?

    My husband and I are very much together. But he does not watch me or sit with me while I sew.
    I do not watch football, but rarely.
    On occasion he will stop for a beer with coworkers, and I am not with him.
    If I want to take a quilting class he does not take it with me.
    We did not work together.
    Maybe if you sit down and have some conversations about it, you two can come to a reasonable solution.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:35 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • Help him find a hobby. He sounds like a bored kid. What does HE enjoy doing? My DH & I have always done everything together. We didn't have kids until we were married 13 years & now when he is off we only do kid stuff. There isn't much "me" time here but if there was, my DH would be doing something like building something, working on the cars, restoring a car etc.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:37 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • Mrs_Prissy: I actually DO want him to be there if he wants to be, but I am also quite happy to do things on my own. Not him. In pretty much all other areas, our relationship is great: he is loving, attentive, hard-working, fun. I just don't understand his complete meltdown when I show an interest in something he DOESN'T have an interest in. I'm certainly not going to jeopardize my marriage because of it. Funny...now that he's angry, he's "threatening" to find his OWN interests and his OWN friends...I say GREAT! But he's saying that as a way of hurting me, telling me he's going to leave me alone and won't be around when I need him. I think it's a controlling thing, the more I think about it.
    AZmomBT

    Comment by AZmomBT (original poster) at 11:38 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • He sounds like my boyfriend. He always wants me to watch stuff with him, but won't EVER budge when it's something I like. Then he gets all mad when I don't sit in the back room with him. He knows I don't like sports and was watching the opening of football the other night, big whoop, and I was cleaning some things in the dining room. But he tends to throw a huge fit when I don't sit with him. I keep telling him that if he wants me to sit and watch his stuff, he could at least give me the common courtesy and do that for me too.

    Not to say that I haven't sat with him in the past because I have. A lot. But he just tends to point out what I don't do. Getting to the point of rather being alone...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • He says he "gave up" all of "his" friends when we got married,
    how old is this person?
    where are the kids?
    how long has this been going on?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:44 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • Some useful stuff here...thanks! Dardenella: we both love football, and really enjoy watching it and going to games. I try to encourage him to go have drinks occasionally with his people from work or old friends, but he won't go without me! (I LOVE going with him, don't get me wrong...just SOMETIMES I think it would be healthy for him to go alone!) I think you're right about having conversations about it...I just am afraid to bring it up, as when I have, he gets more angry and defensive.

    ILovemyPaulie: You're right, he can be like a bored kid. Unfortunately he even gets angry when I want to do something alone with my 15-year-old son (we have a blended family, but my son is the only one still at home).
    AZmomBT

    Comment by AZmomBT (original poster) at 11:47 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • Feralxat: we are both in our mid-50s. He has one daughter, who just got married and is expecting her first child. It's been going on for some time in a minor way, but in the last couple of years, as I started writing more and more about food/restaurants/chefs and getting more friends in that circle (and getting invited to events), it's gotten worse. I find it's something I really am passionate about and enjoy, but he doesn't seem to like me feeling that way.
    AZmomBT

    Comment by AZmomBT (original poster) at 11:49 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

  • Tell him to grow the hell up. Seriously, he sounds like a five-year-old.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:52 AM on Sep. 11, 2013

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