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What is really going on?

I have been dating this guy for about five months. We are not serious but we do not date other people. However, from time to time he will make it a point to tell me that he still has some women texting him. These are women that he dated in the past from the "Plenty of Fish" dating site. He says he just ignores them. He has also said that he apparently has told them he is in a relationship but "some of them still want to get together." I don't understand why he has to tell me about it because I did not care at first but now it is like he is bragging about it. Also, if women are still texting him after 5 months, he apparently hasn't given them the message about us. This is my first relationship since my divorce, so I am new at this.

 
Kim370

Asked by Kim370 at 12:00 PM on Sep. 12, 2013 in Relationships

Level 8 (267 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I consider it a red flag. I understand what amazinggrace is saying, but anyone who needs that is not mature enough to be in a relationship because it screams insecurity. Tell him he's going back in the pond and you're finding a NEW place to fish.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:27 AM on Sep. 13, 2013

  • If I were you the first thing I'd do is go on POF and see what his profile says, and if he's still portraying himself as "available"!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:09 PM on Sep. 12, 2013

  • If I look at this like looking at DH 7 years ago... He is wanting you to say... WTH, you are with me, stop talking to other people and let them know you are not up for grabs. He WANTS you to claim him... In my opinion.... he's just fishing and feeling you out I think, to see where you are in this. Maybe he does want serious but is afraid you will reject it and this is his way of trying to figure it out.
    amazinggrace83

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 12:18 PM on Sep. 12, 2013

  • I would not get too serious with him.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:05 PM on Sep. 12, 2013

  • Sounds like he's trying to either make you jealous or letting you know he's still playing the field. Either way, doesn't sound like serious bf material. Next time he says something, question him about it.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:12 PM on Sep. 12, 2013

  • It could be a variety of things. Including indirect "checking" as described above, or some attempt to impress you (the bragging vibe you mention), or....
    My thought would be to respond directly to it (either in the moment if/when it happens again, or just sharing in conversation) in a personal way. So, not focused on labeling or judging WHAT he is doing, but focused on YOUR experience. I would share in the way you did here: "I don't understand why you bring this up with me."
    Keep in mind that if he is being indirect because he feels vulnerable (which could be the case either with trying to feel out whether or not YOU feel jealous & want to be more serious, OR with bragging in order to build himself up or impress you), he may feel embarrassed or criticized. He may deflect, defend himself, etc.
    Being open & personal ("I don't understand why...") can be intense & intimidating, but it's a responsible way to handle your feelings.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:50 PM on Sep. 12, 2013

  • Red flag.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:03 PM on Sep. 12, 2013

  • agree with amazinggrace83
    AngZacc

    Answer by AngZacc at 1:12 PM on Sep. 12, 2013