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Relationship breakdown with my adult children

I have over come a Heroin addiction, and my two adult children will not have anything to do with me, I have three grandchildren by both of them, please help me to find a way to rebuild my relationship with them

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sarabienvenue

Asked by sarabienvenue at 4:33 PM on Sep. 15, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • It seems to me that your addiction must have done a lot more than you are sharing...if your children could see this as a disease, then maybe they can give you a second chance, but you got to work hard to get back into their lives....you need to approach them and proof to them how long you have been clean....
    older

    Answer by older at 4:47 PM on Sep. 15, 2013

  • Yes I do admit that what I did was shameful and I do understand that my actions have caused a lot of pain, I completed the detox of subutex, I over come my demon's and I am still dealing with my childhood past, I have a very good relationship with my mum even though I put her through hell as my children, I have tried to keep the communication open, my son forgave me but now blames me not just for the addiction but for the marriage breakdown with their father, my daughter is now in a relationship with someone who is a alcoholic and a Heroin user, I AM HURTING BADLY and don't know what to do
    sarabienvenue

    Comment by sarabienvenue (original poster) at 5:02 PM on Sep. 15, 2013

  • I agree with Older. Approach them and ask them for a list of things you have to do and prove before you can work your way back into their lives. you will need to have some proof of you being clean, even if it means paying for periodic drug tests.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 5:02 PM on Sep. 15, 2013

  • There isn't much you can do and there is even less you can do about your childhood. Best thing I ever did was move on from my childhood and forgive my mother(who is in a much better place now). Dwelling on your childhood will just cause more grief for anyone. You have a relationship with your mother because as I'm sure you feel, mothers are much more likely to forgive and forget.

    While I agree that moving on is something that your children will need to do they also won't want anything to do with you until it is proven that they can trust you not to hurt them again. Like I said i have a great relationship with my mother now but it was only after both her and I changed and moved on.

    good luck
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 5:24 PM on Sep. 15, 2013

  • I have the letter to prove that I am completely drug free and I am going to college in October to work with the rehabilitation centre witch is also in the letter from them, I don't expect what I did to be forgotten as I am not dwelling on the past but I have to look at what I went through in a positive way to be able to help others,
    sarabienvenue

    Comment by sarabienvenue (original poster) at 5:34 PM on Sep. 15, 2013

  • my two adult children will not have anything to do with me,
    I put her through hell as my children
    I AM HURTING BADLY

    they probably care as much about your pain as you cared about their pain while you were a junkie.
    try making it less about you and more about them and respect their wishes
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 5:37 PM on Sep. 15, 2013

  • I do respect their wishes and I am fully aware of their pain, and always have been it's never just black and white
    sarabienvenue

    Comment by sarabienvenue (original poster) at 5:43 PM on Sep. 15, 2013

  • Good for you for getting clean, but the pain you caused them can't be taken away so fast, time may help a bit, and a letter doesn't mean anything, only your actions. Just be patient and don't be pushy , if your dd is living with an I've drug user,and has children, you should call CPS.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 5:44 PM on Sep. 15, 2013

  • The longer you stay free of drugs, the more likely your children are to believe that you really have put the habit behind you. They may want some honest acknowledgement of how you hurt them, without anything added in about how the drugs weren't your fault or you got hurt, too.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:45 PM on Sep. 15, 2013

  • The police and cps are aware of my daughters boyfriend and the situation, thank you for your comment :)
    sarabienvenue

    Comment by sarabienvenue (original poster) at 5:49 PM on Sep. 15, 2013

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