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2 Bumps

My fiance and I... (I want to hear yalls thoughts on this)

My fiance and I got tipsy last night. We were just drinking and having a good time since our little one was spending the night at his grandmothers house.

As we were talking, he goes to me.... "you know whats weird? I was with a girl for 10 years, and for some reason, she couldn't get pregnant. We went to the doctor, she did fertility treatments, I was taking pills, etc...But nothing worked. Then she just meets a guy, and he gets her pregnant. 6 months into knowing you, I get you pregnant". He said this with sadness in his eyes. He's mentioned this a few times before, but this time, it looked like it hurt him. Its been 3 1/2 years since they've broken up. She left him because she got pregnant by someone else. I believe he's over her, but I honestly don't believe he's over the situation. I mean, if you really think about it, 10 years is a VERY long time, especially for someone not to get pregnant, but gets pregnant by someone else the same month.

I talked to a lady about this, and she told me it was because they were not "compatible"... I want to know your thoughts on this?... When he told me this, I didn't know what to say.

Answer Question
 
Imamommy14

Asked by Imamommy14 at 3:18 AM on Sep. 16, 2013 in Relationships

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Many of us have relationships in the past that will be in our hearts forever. I believe there can be several people that we could have had a lasting relationship with. It doesn't mean we love the person we are with less. And, yes, there are couples who never get pregnant for a variety of circumstances. Enjoy what you have with him.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 3:52 AM on Sep. 16, 2013

  • Infertility issues are generally fairly well balanced out. 1/3 of the time it's the woman who has issues, 1/3 of the time it's the man, and 1/3 of the time it's a combination of both of them.
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 5:04 AM on Sep. 16, 2013

  • What's a "yalls"???
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 7:00 AM on Sep. 16, 2013

  • I have heard a theory that if you don't like someone, you won't get pregnant with/by them - however, I couldn't stand my ex and got pregnant with my youngest in no time, so I don't think I buy into that theory.

    I think it doesn't really matter how or why they didn't manage to have a child together. I also think that if he's still bringing it up 3 1/2 years after they broke up (how long have you two been together?), it might be time to have a real talk about it - not an occasional or when-he's-drunk talk. Sit down and ask him honestly how he feels about that, if he's really over it or if he needs to talk to someone about it. Do it now before you get married, because it's going to suck way worse to find out he's not ever her when you're 10 years into a marriage.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:15 AM on Sep. 16, 2013

  • Crafty, it is. You all stuck together.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:19 AM on Sep. 16, 2013

  • "What's a "yalls"???"

    I think it's a half yawn, half laugh.
    BeaverHouse

    Answer by BeaverHouse at 8:51 AM on Sep. 16, 2013

  • My (adoptive) parents were together 53 years. But could not get pregnant no matter what they tried. The science of the 1950s and 1960s explained it as a blood incompatibility. I have no idea how it might be explained by today's science.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:32 AM on Sep. 16, 2013

  • I'm not sure what you want thoughts on. Why they weren't able to conceive? Why the two of you were able to conceive, and his ex conceived with someone else so easily? Whether or not he is over "the situation"?

    It's possible he has feelings around trying so hard to have a baby with someone but never succeeding. Add to that the fact that she cheated on him & left him when she was pregnant, and he could have pain around the breakup & the loss. I think it can hurt to recognize that someone is able to leave you, after all that time, and okay with moving on. It can make you feel doubt, uncertainty, sadness.

    That is why resolution is really helpful, because people can answer their personal questions around "Why?" and "What does this mean about me?" so those wonderings aren't lingering around inside, hurting them. It's not about asking the other person, but going through the questions yourself & considering the scary possibilities.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:55 AM on Sep. 16, 2013

  • My ex husband and I tried to have a baby for eight years. Tets, pills, treatments, the whole ordeal. No luck. After my divorce, I was with my current boyfriend once, and we weren't as careful as we should have been because I'd been declared infertile by a doctor. He pulled out, and we have a five-year-old daughter. My ex husband was kind of hurt. I think he felt that his manhood was in question, although I never would have gone there in a million years. He felt like some other guy got what he had tried so hard for, but we were already divorced when it happened. I guess what I mean is, your fiancĂ© will probably always have some feelings about the issue, especially since it ended his marriage. It's natural. But if it's bothering him to the point where it gets in the way of your future together, he might need to get some counseling.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 10:59 AM on Sep. 16, 2013

  • Maybe what he's trying to say is that you two were meant to be.
    Don't read into it.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:56 PM on Sep. 16, 2013

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