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Friends ALWAYS at my house?

Do any of you have your kids friends over ALL the time? I love my kids friends. They are great people and I think my husband and I have set an example of how we want them to feel welcome in our home. Most of them come from very dysfunctional or broken homes and have a lot going on. Here they are safe, fed and get the "family" atmosphere without a lot of drama. We love one another and we are very affectionate and we take them places with us. I consider them to be my children when they are here, but sometimes.....I want them to go home. My teenagers best friend is with us every weekend and when shes not, she calling looking for an excuse to come over. I feel terribly guilty for saying no, not right now, but I know if I let her, she will be here for 3 days. Her mother is always going out and needing a spot for her to stay. Part of me feels like I should deny my own feelings and let her come, but on the other hand...I need a break

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Asked by momofsaee at 8:33 AM on Feb. 19, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (56 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Yep I have a couple kids who have adopted us. I had one actually move in with me last year. His mom was very dysfunctional and he started staying all day, then overnight, and then one day his mom called and said she didnt want him back. He was so sad and crying. His grandma called and told me alot of things going on in his life and how horrible his life had been. He lived with us for about a year then turned 18 and went on his own. I know how you feel though, but at the same time couldnt turn someone like him away.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:36 AM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Can my kids come over?   Can I have a friend like you?

    You are a very special person you know, I don't mean by having the kids over so that I can have some free time but to take them and treat them like your own....that is very sweet of you guys.

    I understand you want your own family time, but sometimes you have to say no to her friend (which I know you do) but try not to feel guilty. As much as we would love to help some one in need all of the time they have their own life to live, so just say a prayer for them and move on.GLyou rock


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 8:43 AM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Well my family was pretty dysfunctional and I was the friend always coming over. So I'm just going to say thank you.


    Answer by Farrahann at 8:46 AM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • I do feel very guilty for saying no, because I think that theres a reason she wants to be here. Back around christmas, this friend and my daughter got into some serious trouble together. The other mom and I talked at length and we kept them away from one another and everyone else as punishment. It was during christmas holidays and they were grounded so they didnt see one another at all. As soon as we let them off their grounding, the other child was here at my home and I was fine with that because I felt they had paid enough. I was surprised that she even let her come and then I realized what was going on. She goes out every weekend so she knows that if shes here, she doesnt have to wonder what shes doing. She doesn't know how to act in church though and I thought I could either let her come and teach her or make her go home on saturday. I don't like how my daughter acts when this girl is around, even though shes very sweet.

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:47 AM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Aw thanks ladies. Yes, my theory is that when my childrens friends are here...they are mine. That means they get what my kids get. If we eat out, then I feed them, if we go to the mall and I buy my daughter something, then I buy the friend the same thing. They are held to the same rules and standards and I feel like they deserve the same treatment that my kids get. THe same level of superivison too. I feel responsible for them. My middle daughter made friends with the little girl across the street and for the first year...she lived here too. Her mother knew that I would take her to church and she ate with us on a regular basis as well. I guess I feel like if the kids are with me, then I dont have to wonder where MY kids are. They are here as well. I want to be the influence in my kids lives and its just taken on a life of its own. Thanks for encouraging me about it.

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:51 AM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Awwww, you are all very sweet. I need to draw the limit though, I saw my dad, he went through alot, and his door was always open. He treated my friends like his own kids, and my cousins, and so on.

    You do need to draw the line somewhere, I realized that, and would never put my kids nor me through it. That is when you are taken advantage of. I became very attached to a friends kids, I would feed them, they would hang out all the time, now they are in foster homes. We will never see them again, most likely, and I will never put my kids through that again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • We do have alot of his friends like that. And, it's tough to say "no". One of them came a few weeks back,on a Friday night about 11:30. His mom had gone out drinking,and locked him out of his house. He had nowhere else to go,and would have to sleep outside if we didn't. Of course we let him. He ended up staying till Sunday, as mom was hung over most of Saturday. What that experience did was show my son how lucky he is (his words,not mine) to have parents like us. You're not a bad person for wanting family time. Just have to find a balance, kinda what we've had to do.

    Answer by stvmen88 at 11:40 AM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • We want our home to be the place where our childrens' friends feel welcome. Sometimes they stay too long or sleep over extra days, but I'd rather have kids here. That way I know what mine are doing. One of our daughter's friends that we've known for about five years asked my daughter if we would adopt her. I think she was halfway serious! Her family is so incredibly dysfunctional. Other kids send home notes to me and want me to write back. The one that asked us to adopt her just sent a note home asking if I could but her some school supplies. I say kudos to you!!!!

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 12:20 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • I feel you! Sometimes you just want to chill in your comfy's without anybody coming over! Or going to a Resturant just with your family- I too sometimes have to say no! It can get a bit overwhelming, don't feel bad!

    Answer by Goldenbrowny at 8:17 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • I would rather have my 14 year old twins girls at my home with there friends. Then you always no where they are and who they are with. I honestly have one girl who only sleeps at her house sunday night through thursday night. sometimes i feel like i need a break but then i think about the other things my girls could be getting into. Also they are getting older now and don't need to be watched every second of the day

    Answer by linzv42394 at 9:54 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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