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7 Bumps

S/O Why is the girl always suspect? adult content

In another question there is discussion about a teen pregnancy occurring and it was apparently planned.

What I notice in that question (and on Answers as a whole quite often) is that the girl in these situations is almost always slut shamed. She's a nutcase or she's dysfunctional in some way or she wants money or she spreads her legs for everything with a penis. Even in cases when it's clearly spelled out that BOTH participants were irresponsible it isn't often that the guy is held to the same high standard as the girl is.

Why is that? In 2013 are we still no closer to at least attempting to hold men accountable for their part in making a baby? More important, why do we continue to denigrate girls/women when they clearly didn't get pregnant on their own?

Answer Question
 
Mrs_Prissy

Asked by Mrs_Prissy at 5:49 PM on Sep. 17, 2013 in Relationships

Level 34 (65,487 Credits)
Answers (29)
  • It's right up there with why do colleges start out orientation by telling the girls how not to be raped instead of telling the boys not to rape.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 5:52 PM on Sep. 17, 2013

  • This is exactly my point.

    It's shocking to me that in this day and age, with all of us here WOMEN we foster and perpetuate this crap. The presumption that women are inherently wicked and dishonest is one that should be fought against. Every time it happens.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Comment by Mrs_Prissy (original poster) at 5:56 PM on Sep. 17, 2013

  • listen to the radio lately? ugh...I mean what is that really annoying song that's out...blurred lines or whatever it's called (that's it right?) my daughter was going off about it on Sunday...

    it's everywhere really and it's awful. My daughter came home SERIOUSLY pissed after her orientation for college- about how it was all about what the GIRLS do wrong, and how THEY can prevent rape...but not a word telling the guys to keep it in their pants and it doesn't matter how someone dresses, or if they walk alone, or if they have a drink...
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 6:08 PM on Sep. 17, 2013

  • Believe me, I'm sensitive to the amount of crap out there that sexualizes or demonizes girls (often by girls themselves) but one would think that the benefit of adulthood would temper the sort of knee jerk reactions.

    College orientation is a good point. There isn't even any mention of how the guys are expected to behave from a sexual standpoint. Once again, it's all on the woman.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Comment by Mrs_Prissy (original poster) at 6:18 PM on Sep. 17, 2013

  • It's a two way street
    Mycutelittleboy

    Answer by Mycutelittleboy at 6:22 PM on Sep. 17, 2013

  • I think it's because we know that women/girls are so often (in these situations) the only one responsible for dealing with the consequences. She's left to raise the baby, work 2 jobs, fight to finish high school, fight for child support, fight for everything. And we expect, whether intentionally or subconsciously, these teen girls to realize what we realize and to be more responsible because they know (in our expectations) that they will be the ones "stuck" with the baby.

    It's not right, and I know I for one, try not to do that, and am trying to make sure that my sons are responsible enough to #1 not get a girl pregnant before they're adults and hopefully married but at least prepared for a baby, and #2 to stand up and be a man and take responsibility if they do have sex and get a girl pregnant before they're ready.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:23 PM on Sep. 17, 2013

  • "It's not right, and I know I for one, try not to do that, and am trying to make sure that my sons are responsible enough to #1 not get a girl pregnant before they're adults and hopefully married but at least prepared for a baby, and #2 to stand up and be a man and take responsibility if they do have sex and get a girl pregnant before they're ready."

    Understood and I applaud that. And I'm not even against both kids being considered dumb asses for doing something so, well, dumb. My daughter got pregnant at 18 and, believe me, I thought they were both stupid for not protecting themselves. But I sure as hell didn't view her as a slut and him as just misinformed.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Comment by Mrs_Prissy (original poster) at 6:26 PM on Sep. 17, 2013

  • I dont know what it's going to take to change this mindset... but it has to start with raising our boys to be equally as reponsible in every way possible for birth control, and any unplanned pregnancies, And Wendy is right, that starts with how we raise our sons. They need to know there is never a "get out of jail free card" from being a father. But girls need to step up too, and quit the "baby daddy" bullshit. I feel like that makes them excused from "fatherhood". They are not daddy.. they are "baby daddy, ie: sperm donor. It's like their is a huge disconnect between sex = child= parenthood. Both partners need to look at the other and think about "do I want this person helping to raise my child??" If the answer is no, then stop having sex with them...
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 7:01 PM on Sep. 17, 2013

  • Great question. Just because it's been this way for eons doesn't make it right. And anyway, who seems to go around raping people? It's usually MEN who prey on women and kids. But that's another topic...
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:22 PM on Sep. 17, 2013

  • I don't know & I can't stand it. It happens all the time in our patriarchal society. You would think by now that women would learn to stop bashing & stand up for other women, or that nothing will ever change but, alas it hasn't happened. It's particularly sad that it happens on a site just for women. Shouldn't we (as a society) try to empower one another as opposed to tearing down?

    Why is it solely a teenage girl's fault that she was knocked up by a teenage boy?!? Or why is a mistress so villianized in the case of an affair, when she was not the one that married & made vows to the spouse?!? I know, it's all due to the antiquated strangle-hold of the Abrahamic faiths. Eve tempted Adam, we are all sinners because of Eve. This misogynist BS needs to be put to rest once in for all so, all genders can be equal.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 7:50 PM on Sep. 17, 2013

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