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How do I deal with an angry and bitter adult son?

I have a 26 year old adult who is angry, disrespectful and bitter towards me. If anything goes wrong in his life or not to his satisfaction he blames me for it. He lives in another state and I worry about his anger issues. I don't want his issues to kill him or land him in jail. I raised him as a single mother. What can I do? 

Ok I'll talk to him about it when he comes to visit.  But he has gotten angry with other people (other family members, friends, girlfriends, etc.) also and has lashed out...like exploded.  I really think that he needs to see a doctor about it and perhaps take some kind of meds for it.  In the past a judge has ordered him to go to anger management counseling but it was only for a day or two.  I went through a tramatic relationship with his father when I was pregnant with him.  He has some of the same issues as people with PTSD.  I wish I could get him to see a doctor but he is an adult and don't think that he has a problem.  If he only got angry with me then I would think that it was just something between me and him but as I stated before he has exploded on other people as well.

Answer Question
 
Slim60

Asked by Slim60 at 3:13 PM on Sep. 18, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Why is he so angry with you? It sounds like he's probably blaming you for something that happened during his childhood. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong, but it seems he has an issue stemming from something.

    Find out why he feels that way towards you and work towards resolving the issue.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 3:15 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • ^^Couldn't have said it better than Ginger
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 3:20 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • If he's 26 and an adult you don't HAVE to deal with him. He's living his life, making his mistakes, dealing with his own consequences.
    If he has some issue with you, then you deal with that issue, and move forward. His choices presently are his own.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 3:28 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • I agree with all that commented here, specially Ginger...
    older

    Answer by older at 3:29 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • well, unfortunately he isn't going to see anyone about it unless HE thinks he has a problem.  Because he is an adult, there is pretty much nothing you can do


     

    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 4:04 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • Your son's anger is his problem to work out if he chooses to, or to stew in if that's what he decides is best. Its hard, but there's nothing you can do, unless there's some specific issue he wants to talk to you about. Don't let yourself be disrespected, though. You have the power to tell anybody, your grown son or not, that you deserve to be spoken to politely and that if it doesn't happen, you'll hang up the phone and try calling back another time when he can be civil.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 4:08 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • When was his last full physical check up. There maybe other issues.
    Is he just generally angry or just at you for certain things?
    Sure he should see a therapist but he has to want to do that. He might be willing to go to a counselor in communication. Many of us do not have the skills needed to communicate with others as the roles change. He is no longer a child and you are no longer his only support system etc. People tend to fall back into the old roles of mother, child communication, rather than I see that you are an adult and I a really listening to what you say. If necessary asking if you are hearing him right or if you are reading something into it that isn't there, and visa versa. It is very frustrating when you are trying to get an idea across and can't seem to get it communicated.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:55 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • Sense he is and adult. There is nothing you can do but tell him how you are feeling. That's it.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:41 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

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