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How do I make my children help me clean?

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Asked by lezmom247 at 3:57 PM on Sep. 18, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • work=reward.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 3:58 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • Thank them when they help, give them a list of things so they know what you want, reward them? dont let them have freinds over or let them go out until their stuff is done

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 4:01 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • Depends on how old they are and what you want them to do. Like PGA said, they work, they get to have fun. They don't, then life gets pretty boring because you don't take them anywhere or buy them stuff. Don't make chores a punishment; they're just what family members do to pitch in. Don't make them a battle of wills, either; don't nag and yell, just tell them what you expect and when, and if it doesn't happen, what the consequences will be. And if it gets really bad, you can always go on strike. Quit being the maid, they'll find out soon enough they don't like to live in a mess.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:04 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • They are between 9 and 12 years old?
    Why are you just now expecting them to help?
    What has changed?

    Answer by feralxat at 4:07 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • What do you need help with cleaning?
    My son is 10 and I just ask him to keep his room presentable, take care of his clothes, rest of his stuff, he helps prepare meals, and he helps out around the house but I do not make him do any of the work that I should be doing.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 4:11 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • rewards and/or consequences.

    I give my kids a verbal warning that I will need their help. 'Guys, we need to clan p today. I am going to be making you a list'
    Then I write them a list on their dry erase board with a little box beside it.
    I then have them read the list out loud to me and make sure they understand each task.
    I give them a time it has to be done. 'I need this list done before lunch if you want to have your video game time.'

    For my kids the reward is getting to have their video game time-which is an earned privilege here the natural consequence of not meeting the deadline is shortened game time or none at all.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:37 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • Let them know what you would like help with, and when/how, and then listen to their feedback. Focus more on hearing & considering what they're saying (including how they're saying it--what that might be expressing about their feelings) than on replying immediately. If their response is along the lines of "Okay" or "Sure, Mom," then proceed with the cleaning activities. If they have another kind of response, reflect on what you've learned about where they're at with you. Take that as important information. Try to respond in a way that is constructive (i.e., that supports & strengthens your connection with them) rather than in a way that is likely to undermine or erode your relationship.
    If you prioritize your parent-child relationship (so that you are relating in ways that lead to them feeling respected, valued, heard, taken seriously, understood), you will be putting money in the bank toward VOLUNTARY, UNFORCED cooperation.

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:02 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • Be consistent and don't back down. Their chores are their part of contributing to the household. Privileges and allowance are their share of the benefits of the household.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:03 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • You can not make someone help you. You can make them do the tasks through rewards and punishments/consequences or you can encourage them to help. Helping is encouraged by making the task fun or rewarding.
    A perfect example is the dad folding clothes with his daughter.
    She asks, "can we play ponies"
    and he replies, "Right after we do foldies"


    Answer by Dardenella at 5:03 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

  • Another thing to consider is your own attitude toward household tasks. Try to connect to your actual desire to complete the task at hand (in contrast to feeling like you have to do it.) Connect to your actual freedom & your choice in the matter, rather than believing you're "stuck." Connecting to your actual desire to do the task helps improve your personal tone, which increases the likelihood that you're communicating with others in a positive way & increases the likelihood that they'll JOIN you.
    Speak in "I messages" not "you messages." That is, speak personally about what you want or wish, not what someone else MUST do. Own your requests & preferences ("I want you to") rather than avoiding that ownership by focusing on directing others, or framing things as obligations.
    My kids respond best when I own my decisions & my desires. ("I've decided to go" rather than "It's TIME to go" or "We HAVE TO go now.")

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:31 PM on Sep. 18, 2013

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