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3 Bumps

Did he REALLY just say that???

Ok, so we're have a small falling out between some friends and us. Mostly it's miscommunication, and them saying something but meaning something else. Hubby is trying to figure out a way for all 4 of us to sit down and talk this out, without kids around. We have a 10 year old and a 6 year old. They have a 6 year old, a 5 year old that visits whenever biomom allows it, a 3 year old and a 2 year old.

Talking on the phone with hubby on his way home from work and I do NOT believe what he said to me. At this meeting he wants me to sit there and say nothing while the rest of them talk everything out and try to work things out.

You want me to WHAT??!??!

I'll admit that I have a temper, and often times shoot my mouth off before really thinking about what I'm saying. I don't do sit-off-to-the-side-quietly very well. Yes, my husband has a cooler head and is hard to anger. However, his communications skills aren't as good as he thinks they are. Most of the time I'm more confused than when I started when I ask him to explain something to me. He assumes that others' are able to follow his train of thought, without him verbalizing any of his train of thought. UGH!

So he walked in, emptied out the dish washer, chipping plates in the process, finally took out the trash and has now left again. All without saying one word to me.

Yeah, this is kinda high school drama-ish. I see that. I just can't get over the fact that he had the balls to tell me on the phone that, essentially, he wants me to sit down at this meeting and smile and nod and agree with everything he says, even if I don't. And the kicker is, he's going to ignore me and avoid me until I don't appear to be mad at him anymore. HE doesn't think he did, or said, anything wrong.

Maybe it is time to cut this family loose. Seems like there's more and more drama, the longer we're friends with them.

Answer Question
 
Rosehawk

Asked by Rosehawk at 3:03 PM on Sep. 19, 2013 in Relationships

Level 40 (116,044 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I think you need to ask for an explanation from him as to why he wants you to keep quiet. Maybe it isn't the reason that you think it is. At any rate, he needs to be given the opportunity to give you an exact reason. You might even be able to work out some kind of compromise. Maybe you could ask for permission to restate anything he says that you feel is not 100% understandable. As in: Is this what you are trying to say? Teamwork seems to me like it should be an option in this situation, and not just one or the other of you taking on the whole ball of wax.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:28 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • If my DH would have said to me. I would have told him off. You are right the friends need to be let go. And that is what you tell your DH.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:55 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Cut the friends loose. And the husband is on probation.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:49 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • I would be pissed too. Is almost as if he were blaming you for misunderstandings since you are expected to just sit and say nothing. Why bother going at all? Maybe he should just meet with them without you, and when it all amounts to shit you can blame his poor communication skills.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 4:49 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Is your husband usually a jerk? If not, I'd wonder if what he said and what he meant were two different things. Maybe what he was trying to say fell out sideways or something. I would have been shocked if my boyfriend said something like that to me. For better or worse, I probably would have said, then and there on the phone, "What the hell did you just tell me to do? Fat chance." Then again, if these friends are causing strain in your otherwise decent relationship, it may be time to cut them loose.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:43 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Maybe he should just meet with them without you That's what I told him.

    I think you need to ask for an explanation from him as to why he wants you to keep quiet. He kept hinting at it, and hinting at it. Their biggest gripe when we try to give them advice is that it's SO MUCH different raising their 4 kids vs us raising our 2. I call BS on that, and hubby wants me to say nothing about that one. Then I asked him: "So, you want me to just sit there and say nothing while you do all the talking?" he said: "I don't expect you to, but it would be nice." That's when I told him to arrange the meeting without me, and hung up on him.

    Is your husband usually a jerk? No. He just has an inflated sense of his skills and abilities.
    Rosehawk

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 5:54 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • I think you need to inform him not to have the meeting at your house. And you will not be baby sitting their kids while the meeting is going on. If I where you they would only be his friends from now on.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:13 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Maybe you could ask for permission

    Seriously, you just told her to "ask for permission"?! WTF? She is a grown woman she doesn't have to ask for permission for anything, especially not to talk.

    OP, yeah that wouldn't fly with me either. Let him try to explain it without you there. If these people are really creating that much trouble for you guys, then maybe it is time to cut them loose.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 7:06 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Your husband sounds a bit controlling, mine has said that to me in a similar situation, and I did just that and now I am being told to shut-up all the time. Don't wait! speak your mind now, even if you need to break away from these friends.
    gramma1sews

    Answer by gramma1sews at 10:00 AM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • He's usually not like this. He seems to think that because he's harder to piss off, and has dealt with all kinds of people at work he's better at communicating than I am.

    Yes, I have a fiery temper. Yes, I get angry easily. He has a hard time describing a wet paper bag though.
    Rosehawk

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 11:05 AM on Sep. 20, 2013

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