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2 Bumps

I hate when I make efforts to be closer to my husband's family but see that he does not make a single effort towards my side.

It happened many times that in spite of many things I don't like about his parents and family I make efforts to be closer to them. But this is the first time after 4 years of our marriage that my parents visited us to spend some time with us and to help me during my pregnancy. The thing that bothers me is that my husband is not making a single effort to be ease with them. And I hate to ask him that why is he doing this? But this bothers me. I feel like my husband started taking me for granted as I never complains. It is hard though. I want to give him his own space but at the same time I do not want him to hurt the feelings of my parents. I know they won't say a word but I will keep this in me for lifetime and will do the same to his parents otherwise.

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rishi420

Asked by rishi420 at 9:11 PM on Sep. 19, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Maybe you should talk to your husband. Tell him how you are feeling, and specifically what he is doing or not doing that is causing you to be unhappy. He might not even know he's doing anything wrong; maybe he thinks he's giving you some space to hang out with your parents. It would be a shame to harbor resentment, and especially to distance yourself from his family when they don't know why.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 9:29 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • I have always believed in being bluntly honest with my DH. If something bothers me. I tell him how I feel. So I think you should tell him how you fel about how he is treating your parent.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:35 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Communication is so very important in a relationship!
    Explain to him what you just said to us, see and listen to what he says.
    It could just be he wants to give you time with your parents, who knows.
    But, he deserves to know how you feel.
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 11:44 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Tell him. Make him read what you've written above. Squeaky wheels get the grease.

    It's a myth that there are never complaints and disagreements in good marriages. All marriages have them. Good marriages air them out and resolve them. Bad marriages either fight without resolving them... or bury the complaints and disagreements and let them fester until one day there's an explosion that utterly destroys the marriage with no hope of redemption.

    Time to air things out!
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:52 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Youir husband isn't a mind reader - tell him how you feel. Good communication is the very foundation of a successful marriage. So go and calmly tell him how you feel (above all, no finger pointing and no comparison with what you do), that you'd like him to be more comfortable with your family and work out ways with him in order to achieve this.
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 1:25 AM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • Make requests.
    Try to lay aside the impulse to build a big case about what is wrong with what he's doing/not doing right now, or what is only reasonable & decent to expect. It might be tempting to present your "position" that way in hopes that he will see your point ("see the light") & agree with you. It feels safer to be "right" rather than open & vulnerable. But instead of painting him as wrong, just share what you would like to see--what you would like him to do differently.
    Let him know that you are feeling tense about how things are going during your parents' visit and that you would like to see him _______.
    I think it is the most respectful (least controlling) way to respond to the feelings you have. That's because you're owning your feelings & making a request of him, in response. Rather than creating a picture of reality in which he's in the wrong & "should" be doing differently, and laying that on him.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:32 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

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