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2 Bumps

Venting

Right now My husband is the only one that works he bought a couch a couple of months ago and just few minutes ago while sitting in the couch he look at my feet and then he says that's going to the damage the leather.

You know it made me feel bad but not because I didn't put any money towards that purchase that means that he has to make that comment like that. I'm always the one that takes care of things and the house to look neat and I felt like don't touch my couch.

A few minutes after I stand up and told him that I was going upstairs. Not because I'm not working or buying things that means I'm less.

I don't want to make a big deal out of this but I really dislike how he said it be wise if it was in a different way I could've understand. I'm annoyed right now.

Have you ever experience something similar?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Sep. 19, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Are your feet gnarly?
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 10:24 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Did you have shoes on?


    My husband is always telling me to get my feet off the couch. It's a bad habit that I have and it just happens to be one of his pet peeves. Just like him leaving his dirty clothes in the bathroom is my pet peeve.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 10:24 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Just tell him his ass will probably do more damage!
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:42 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • It sounds like there's something more going on. Just being told to keep your feet off the couch shouldn't cause these kinds of feelings. A family is a partnership - it isn't about who contributes financially vs who doesn't.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 10:42 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • If my DH ever told me to take my feet off the couch, he'd be sleeping on it!
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 10:46 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • "Your husband bought a couch"

    Guess what- if you're married it is marital property. It's half your couch and you can do as you please. Piss on it.
    Remind him not to eat the food YOU cooked or use the toilet YOU cleaned.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:28 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Although... as the owner of a pair of leather couches that are seriously damaged after years of sweaty feet and a dog that seems to think licking leather is a great pastime... I understand what he's saying. Better to develop habits to protect the furniture now than to have to look at leather repair kits later!

    He probably said it badly, but haven't we all said something in a way that really wasn't great? Sometimes we realize it right away and mentally kick ourselves in the butt over it, other times someone has to point it out.

    So, back downstairs and talk to him about it, reasonably. "I understand you want to protect the investment, but the way you spoke to me really hurt my feelings." Unless he has a habit of sticking his foot in his mouth all the way up to the hip, he may not even realize what he's done.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:56 PM on Sep. 19, 2013

  • Is your husband usually unkind or belittling to you? Does he value what you contribute to the household, even if it isn't financial? Could he be having a bad day? Only you know for sure, but I would encourage you to look at the incident as part of the bigger picture of your life. If it's just one in a long line of times when he has hurt you, then maybe it's worth being angry over. But if you're feeling guilty or unhappy about not working, or if you've had a long day, then realize maybe you were being oversensitive and take it with a grain of salt. Or if he's under stress and isn't usually obnoxious, give him the benefit of the doubt.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:05 AM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • Sounds like he is aware of "taking care of" the couch.
    I think venting can be particularly helpful in identifying what was upsetting about an interaction. This may have little to do with what actually happened. I believe that we are the authors of our own feelings (they aren't caused by other people; people & circumstances are the stimulus not the cause.) Our feelings/reactions happen because of factors inside US.
    Often, my reactions don't relate to what truly happened. They are valid feelings, and it's important for me to take them seriously, but that doesn't mean that they tell me much about the other person or what happened. Most of all they tell me about myself--my assumptions & my associations, expectations & conclusions.
    Sounds like you felt upset, like he was suggesting that the couch is less yours because he paid for it. To you, it was like saying, "Don't touch my couch." It felt demeaning because you AREN'T careless!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:10 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

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