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Anyone have time to critique this poem for me?

I'm not a poet but thought I would try my hand at writing a poem for my SO for our 3 yr anniversary. I know it needs improvement and there are a few things that I'm not happy with. Thoughts?

First

The first time I met you, I knew we had something unique.
The first date, I wanted to last for at least a week.
The first time you put your arms around me, I knew that’s where I fit in.
Yes, these last three years have been full of first times for me. To begin
My first country music concert, my first hockey game
My first night at Country USA, my first time at *** County Fair (What a shame)
Let’s not forget the first times we have shared
Remember the first time we made hamburgers? Or were they meat balls? Not that I cared.
And who can forget the first time we planted an “eating kind of” plant. Alas
While I’m looking forward to many more firsts with you, I want you to be my last

 
tempsingl3mom

Asked by tempsingl3mom at 6:36 PM on Sep. 20, 2013 in Relationships

Level 26 (27,595 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • 2nd line could be ......I wanted our first date to last for a week........but otherwise I think it is very sweet and should be as you wrote it. It is what's in your heart that counts. Congrats!!
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 6:41 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • Maybe change the title to Firsts?

    I'm usually pretty good about this stuff but today I'm drawing a blank.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 6:39 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • I like it. It's very sweet. I agree with the title being changed to Firsts.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 6:41 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • It is a wee hard to read. Does he like poems?
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 6:48 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • I like it and I'm sure he will too. It seems sweet and heartfelt and romantic. :)
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 8:10 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • I'm sure he wil feel special that you wrote a poem and expressed how much you love him.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:18 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • the first time we met, I felt we were unique
    Our first date, my heart beat til my breath grew weak
    the first time you put your arms around me
    I knew that I would always belong
    yes, these past years have been a song
    that firsts of so much count, a country music concert,
    the hockey game
    My first Country USA, our time at the Country Fair,
    my heart was tame
    let's remember the first t;ime we share
    ..when we cooked together, more hungry than a bear
    let's remember all the first times past
    and always know our togetherness will forever last. by Granny144
    Granny144

    Answer by Granny144 at 5:00 PM on Sep. 21, 2013

  • I agree with changing the title.

    It's not that he necessarily likes poems, I just wanted to do something romantic for him and I don't have a ton of money.
    tempsingl3mom

    Comment by tempsingl3mom (original poster) at 6:52 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • Ballad, I think that is the nicest way anyone has ever told me that my poem sucks and I shouldn't quit my day job in hopes of being a writer. LOL
    tempsingl3mom

    Comment by tempsingl3mom (original poster) at 10:51 AM on Sep. 21, 2013