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Do I kick my daughter out of the house since she is not following our rules in our home, give her a deadline or what?

I have a 19 year old daughter who has a learning disorder. She works 16 hours a week and failed her classes at the community college. The rest of her time is with her boyfriend. No motivation to look for more work, or think about a career. She barely completes the chores in our home even when list are provided.

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Claudia789

Asked by Claudia789 at 8:41 PM on Sep. 20, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I understand what you're dealing with. I would give her a deadline, and start charging her some kind of financial contribution, at least enough to cover what it costs to have her there. If she doesn't get her act together, she's choosing to move out because she knew what the consequences would be.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:46 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • No, learn to live together as a family.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:00 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • What rules is she not following? (Sounds like she barely completes the chores on her list, so maybe you are having to remind/nag her, but it's still getting done.)
    I think you have to decide your bottom line & own it (that it's your decision/choice, and that you're intending to "enforce" it.) Make sure it's something you can live with & that you believe in, rather than making it something you think or hope will "motivate" her.
    Leave her choices up to her and make your choices your own responsibility (i.e.,not something she's "making" you do.)
    Then communicate clearly about what you want.

    I think it makes sense to give expectations & an opportunity (deadline), but it is up to you.
    What sorts of things are you wanting from her? Figure it out, and then lay it out for her. Let her know that things have not been working for you & as a result of the resentment/frustration you were beginning to feel, you've given some thought to it.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:05 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • What kind of learning disability are we talking about?

    I think it's reasonable for you to charge her rent. You can put the rent money aside as a savings for her (but don't tell her you're doing it). If you kick her out the money may be needed for legal proceedings. If she moves out on her own with your blessing, then there's a little startup fund for her new home.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:08 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • If you have informed her to get either more hour on her current job or go get another job. And she is not doing it. Tell her it is time for her to find some were else to stay. If she has a boy friend. She can work more.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:11 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • Giver her notice. Tonight this ends. Cell phone is now your responsibility. You can pay rent, or you can leave.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 9:12 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • I'd need to know what the disability is before I'd be able to comment. Has she received help with that?

    There's got to be a happy medium between letting her slide and kicking her out.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 9:18 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • Without reading the previous posts I would like to give you my input from two experiences. First is with myself. I did not follow the rules, I was doing poor in school and i came home at 5 am having little respect for my parents. They demanded I find another place if I can not follow their rules. I came back home to live two other times, but I obeyed the rules after being on my own and seeing what my mom went through, how hard it really was to clean, pay the bills, and have responsibility. I moved back home for a short time because I was moving back from another state and it was only temporary.

    Another example is my friend. Her son flunked out of school and disobeys all the rules. She refuses to kick him out. Fast forward several years. He still lives at home and bounces from job to job. He has not learned responsibility because she does it all for him. cont....
    AmyLynn5398

    Answer by AmyLynn5398 at 10:16 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • cont...I believe there is a difference though. To come right out and say YOUR OUT OF HERE, is not love. But to say we have rules and if you can not, or will not follow these rules then you should start looking for a new place to live and in love offer to help. There is a good chance when she sees how good she has it, it may not come to that anyway.
    AmyLynn5398

    Answer by AmyLynn5398 at 10:18 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • I believe an ultimatum is in store. After tonight X Y and Z needs to be done or you will have a certain amount of days until you need to move out.
    skinnyslokita

    Answer by skinnyslokita at 10:46 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

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