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Suggestions for how to get the romance back when I have lost that love and feeling?

First its important to say I love my husband very much. I like to do special things for him to make him happy. I love him as a father and a partner but I do not feel any romantic feelings towards him anymore. I never say no to him, but he does not want it too often anyway. We both talked about it and agreed we will work on getting things were they need to be. I have no idea how to even get the romance into our relationship when he is not the touchy type to begin with. We watch tv together but I sit far away from him and have no desire to snuggle up anymore. He claims he senses that and does not like that his wife does not want anything to do with him. But my problem is he does not like being touched anyway. What are your thoughts and suggestions?

Please no nasty comments, please remember I am summing up my whole life with him in a matter of a few lines. I obviously can not include everything.

Answer Question

Asked by AmyLynn5398 at 10:08 PM on Sep. 20, 2013 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,564 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • How old are you?
    Are you having hormone problems?
    Is there an underlying issue you have with him?
    What's the sex like? Are you getting satisfied?
    Does he want you to initiate?
    Do you have body image issues?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:13 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • 37
    I have no hormone problems
    There are a lot of underlying issues
    Sex is one sided and boring, not at all satisfied, I love to have fun with it and its a chore for him.
    He likes to control SEX, so if I ever initiated he would say no or roll his eyes. Over the years of being rejected I no longer initiate. I think he is seeing now that having control over it came with a price.

    Long story about body image issues. Sum up if can. I use to, with him have crazy confidence!!! He does not find me attractive unless I am 119lbs or less. I say that because that was the only time he paid attention to me. I have only gained 10 lbs and he no longer looks. So it is a lot pressure. An example, when I weighed 119lbs he was afraid I would stop losing weight. So yes I NOW have body issues with him.

    Comment by AmyLynn5398 (original poster) at 10:28 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • How long have the two of you been together?

    And all of the questions butterfly asked. Any one of those issues must be resolved. Losing romantic feelings is a symptom, but not a cause. Time to drill down to the cause. FInd that and fix it and then the romance returns, though it will likely be different.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:29 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • sounds like you two need to work on some stuff. Have you tried couseling?

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:30 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • You answered while I was typing.

    COUNSELING. Immediately. The two of you need to discuss this thoroughly. WIthout it, there won't be any more romance. He's not respecting you. And if he thinks he married a dress size instead of a woman, I'd be leaving him with a closet full of dresses.

    Maybe a few screenings of "Shallow Hal" will drill the message home.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:31 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • reading all that,I'm wondering why you'd even want to have sex with him. It seems he sees you as a thing
    Would he go to counseling?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:33 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • He said he would go to counseling. I am waiting for a name from someone I know. We have been together for 4 years married and a couple years not married.

    Comment by AmyLynn5398 (original poster) at 10:37 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • I was hoping for suggestions until we go, since who knows when, or long that will be.

    Comment by AmyLynn5398 (original poster) at 10:37 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • Make sure he follows through on the counseling. It takes two people to save a marriage, only one to kill it.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:38 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

  • UH- your man is a jackass.
    I wouldn't be romantic either if my weight was monitored.
    He should love you for YOU. No matter your size or shape. If you got in an accident and lost the ability to have sex, what would happen to your marriage?

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:07 PM on Sep. 20, 2013

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