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What else is there? (ds12)

Nothing seems to work I have taken things away and grounded him and some how he goes to his old ways & habits.
I am so fed up my dh saying I should beat the shit of him but that's not me I do not do that.
He believes on using the belt bc it works for him. I don't want to hear about my dh parenting skills...I just need to know what else is there to cause this silly behavior.
My ds12 talks back but to be funny I let it go I know I should do something then but I am to tired to deal with him. He will pick on his sister (dd10) she complains what to do I do then?
He likes to say certain words that I don't care to hear like he'll say "what's up my niggas" please ladies don't take it personal but this is what he likes to say I tell him to stop saying that and continues at times...ugh! Help!
Thanks for listening and answering ;)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:29 PM on Sep. 22, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • You IGNORE him until he can talk like the young adult he is. When he picks on his sister you remove her from the situation. Have her go to her room or your room or just stay near you. She needs to learn to ignore it too. This is attention seeking behavior. So when it ceases to draw attention he will stop. The racial slur IDK about. Are you black americans? I would simply not respond to it. Even if I were black I would not respond to it because of it's negative connotation. It can get him into trouble if he says it in front of the wrong person. Normally I would tell you to substitute the word. Like when he says it say "No, I am not a Tigger. He lives in the Hundred Acre Woods." In this case though it still might be best to ignore it. He says it because you react. Maybe next time just give him a dirty look and then go about your business.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 7:42 PM on Sep. 22, 2013

  • then but I am to tired to deal with him

    There's your problem. It doesn't matter what method of discipline you use, all that matters is consistency. That's from each of you individually and both of you together. If he knows you won't spank and dad will, he's going to act up more for you. If he knows you won't punish him if you're too tired, he'll act up more because he can.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 7:42 PM on Sep. 22, 2013

  • ""what's up my niggas" "

    That wouldn't even begin to fly in my family. My kid said that, they'd be looking at only the four walls of their room for about a month. At least.

    Clearly you're not using firm, consistent discipline. This doesn't mean beating him. This means that each action has a consequence and the consequence is the same every single time he breaks the rules.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 7:43 PM on Sep. 22, 2013

  • Remove him from the situation whenever he can't get a grip on his mouth. Tell him he is free to use unsavory words in his room where no one elsehs to listen to it, and that if he's going to pick on his sister, he will be sent away from her. Do it every single time, even if he spends eons in his room by himself at first. Take his meals in there if you have to.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 8:09 PM on Sep. 22, 2013

  • him talking back- trying to be funny... depends on the situation I guess

    him picking on siblings- NORMAL...seperate them, and /or give consequences

    saying "what's up my nigga" WHERE did he get that? Do you guys speak that way? Did this come from his friends? He needs to know that it is not okay and WHY and that there will be consequences if you hear him say it.

    *also NO 12 yr old should be spanked, and NO child of ANY age deserves to be hit with a belt or anything else... WHAT THE HELL?
    aren't you the same one who posted about her 12 yr old son a few days ago?

    *consequences can include- early to bed, no going to your friend's house, no video games, no going outside to play/ ride bikes/ ride skateboard... those kinds of things NOT spanking. You think he's difficult NOW? that will only make it worse. Also, make sure he knows WHY he cannot do certain things and WHY he is being punished when he does.
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:21 PM on Sep. 22, 2013

  • He can come to my house.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:41 PM on Sep. 22, 2013

  • What do you do???? You step up and parent this kid!! That does not mean beating him or ignoring him. It sounds like those two approaches have been tried, and the obviously don't work. Find a consistent natural consequence for his behavior. He talks trash, then take his cell phone. Tell him when he is mature enough to talk like an adult, he will prove he is mature enough for a cell phone. When he bugs his sister, he is grounded from his friends. No interaction at all. Tell him when he is mature enough to be kind to his sisten, then he is mature enough to have his friends over, etc. Make him see that one behavior equals another. These are life lessons he needs to learn.
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 10:00 PM on Sep. 22, 2013

  • I know you don't want to hear about your dh's parenting skills (or lack of them!), but him using a belt on your son is going to negatively affect the relationship between you and your son. Physical punishment at this age breeds anger and aggression. If you want your son to be an angry young man that lashes out at everyone then let your husband go right ahead with the belt. Otherwise, you need to step in.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:36 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

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