First, thank you, all of you, for putting up with all this drama I keep posting. I found out today that my husband wrote me a letter about the current drama. He then emailed it to me, yesterday. I didn't find it until today, right before he left for church. I've been sitting here for 4 hours now debating whether I wanted to post it to get y'all's take on it.
What do YOU make of this? I have my own opinions.
[My first name]-
You asked Facebook why someone would say such a mean and hurtful thing to someone else and then just continue on like nothing was said. My answer to that is because sometimes the truth hurts. You and I both know that your temper can get the better of you at times. It is for this reason that I said that at times I would like it if you sat there and said nothing. I know you well enough to know that the comments/reactions you would have would only fan the fires and would hinder more than help. When you react in anger and frustration you have the tendency to speak before think and lose the ability to reason. You throw up walls to anything anyone else has to say and refuse to listen if it means you might be in the wrong in one way or another.
This whole situation with [Mutual Male Friend] can easily be fixed if we ALL just sit down like adults and talk about what is going on. You and [Mutual Male Friend] are very similar when it comes to the way people treat your kids. He has taken offense to the way you treat [Child] with such disdain that she claims to not feel welcome in our home. In a way I agree with him. You are one who can hold a grudge for a very long time when you feel you have been hurt. It is your defense from your entire life. You have held a grudge against your dad for years. You hold grudges against my family for things that they have done to defend their family, as you would have done in similar situations. You hold grudges against me so often that I have found it easier to deal with you being mad at me then to try and fix things. That is my mistake. That has caused way more frustration and strife between us than anything else.
It is for this reason that I am writing you this letter. You and I both tell the kids that the world does not revolve around them. Where do you think they learn it from? I know there are plenty of times that I act like I am the center of the universe and everything is about me, but so do you. No matter how much I do to help out, it appears to go unnoticed by you. I know that this is a two way street and the same can be said to me. However, let me say this. You get frustrated and angry with me for coming home from work and sitting on the computer or watching TV and not getting things done as you expect me to. Hi Pot I am Kettle. How long does it take for you to get laundry taken care of? How often to you tell [Son] that the litter box needs to be cleaned but not do it that often yourself. I had agreed to have cats again on the condition that they were YOUR responsibility. That did not mean delegating the duties of litter box, food, and water to the kids.
You do not like to be told when you are in the wrong. You do not like to be told anything. You snap and the least bit of attitude but give nothing but attitude when you are confronted with the possibility that you are wrong.
I am sorry if your feelings were hurt by my comments on Thursday or by my comments here but I felt that you needed to hear these things. I truly do love you and want you to get everything your heart desires. You mean so much to me that cannot find an appropriate way of showing you. Nothing feels sufficient.
Please consider everything that I have said with an open mind and think about it. I LOVE YOU. I do not want to see you hurt or lose friends over miscommunication/misunderstandings. [Female Mutual Friend] and [Male Mutual Friend] love you. They do not want to lose you as a friend. It was for this reason that they got [Someone Else] to watch their littles so you wouldn’t have to.
Answer by Anonymous at 7:38 PM on Sep. 22, 2013
Answer by gdiamante at 7:38 PM on Sep. 22, 2013
Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 7:38 PM on Sep. 22, 2013
Answer by ohwrite at 7:39 PM on Sep. 22, 2013
Answer by louise2 at 7:43 PM on Sep. 22, 2013
Answer by KTElite at 7:57 PM on Sep. 22, 2013
One of the great things about marriage counseling is they teach you how to respectfully communicate.
Answer by musicmaker at 8:01 PM on Sep. 22, 2013
Answer by Ballad at 8:02 PM on Sep. 22, 2013
Answer by KTElite at 8:33 PM on Sep. 22, 2013
Instead of flying off and taking this in a negative light, try to think of the positives. This is actual communication, even though it's in writing. He is able to tell you how he feels and you can read it and take it as you will without feeling the need to say something back to him.
Honestly, my first thought when reading this is that the two of you would probably benefit from some marriage counseling. I think the two of you learning to communicate with each other effectively and openly can help the issue with temper flares and grudges. It sounded as though he doesn't feel that he can communicate with you and instead just opts to have you be mad at him instead. This kind of thing can only work for so long before the whole thing crumbles. At that point, the choices might be vastly different than they are now. Fix what's between the two of you before worrying about your friends. JMO.
Answer by QuinnMae at 8:39 PM on Sep. 22, 2013