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Fed up with dh

My husband and I have been married for almost 16 years. Not sure how much longer I can live with him though. He treats me like I am so stupid. Raises his voice to me alot. Also his tone of voice makes me feel just as bad as him raising his voice. Is it just me or can the tone of voice be just as bad or hurtful as someone raising their voice to you?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Sep. 23, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Verbal abuse ring a bell?

    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 3:29 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

  • ha! I just posted somewhat of question like yours regarding DH. I honestly think he thinks he's 1 person in the relationship like mine does. he doesn't include you or your suggestions until he is proved wrong, but then again mine doesn't listen fully to what I have to say.

    you feel stupid because that's how he makes you feel.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

  • My guess is that he is probably just as fed up with you, hence his less than loving tone. I'd have to know a lot more about your marriage than just what you've put here before I would hazard a guess as to what is going on. I will tell you this much: women crave love, and men crave respect. So if you've been disrespecting him for the past 16 years, he is not going to be expressing too much love to you. He could be dying on the inside, but the only emotion you will ever see him express is anger. A raised voice and a harsh tone sounds like anger to me. If you really want to know what is going on with your husband, and if you are feeling really brave, you can always ask him, but you better be prepared to hear the truth. You won't find out by acting pitiful, or by accusing him of being the bad guy, but if you respectfully ask him what the problem is, he will almost certainly tell you. If you don't want to know, don't ask.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:37 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

  • He makes me feel stupid because of my memory for one. I have had seizures all my life, I am 38 now. They have effected my memory, concentration, common sense also, I think. I can go on and on, but I am sure you get the picture. He will ask me a question, then tell me the answer is wrong. Why the hell did you ask me if you aren't going to believe me?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:39 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

  • NannyB- I have never disrepected him. He always gets his way, because I don't want to fight in front of our kids. I have gotten brave a couple times and tried to leave, he talked me out of it both times. He always gets his way, so that's probably why he doesn't want to leave. He's got it good.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:43 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

  • NannyB,I often wonder why you sound so misogynistic. Is is possible to you that some men are just assholes?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 3:56 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

  • nannyB - how could a woman show or give love to a man who constantly makes her feel stupid?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

  • No one should be treated like that. Domestic violence takes many forms, and they are all harmful. Sounds like the mental abuse has affected your self esteem tremendously. The epilepsy (I assume?) is not your fault. Is it controlled by medication? Are you able to care for your children on your own? Sounds like he is controlling and possibly dangerous. Your kids don't need to see him treat you like this. I am so sorry. I understand completely.
    MoonFox4

    Answer by MoonFox4 at 4:05 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

  • I am taking meds for the epilepsy. I will do good for a year or so and then it starts back. The epilepsy is one reason I haven't left for good. I can't drive and no family to help. How can I do this with three kids on my own with no form of transportation. Then on the other had depression can make my seizures worse. So I think maybe if I do leave him, they will stop or at least get under control. Not sure what to do.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:13 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

  • That is hard. Epilepsy medications are known to cause depression too. Sometimes it is just a lose, lose situation. You definitely cant be driving those kids around. Is this something that he is resenting you for? Too much responsibility for him? Can you two have a civil conversation? Would he respond better to a letter? I wish you were with someone more caring, this is heartbreaking. I know it is a lame suggestion but if this relationship has to work because of the conditions, would he go to therapy? My best advice is to hold your head up high and not let his words hurt you, for the sake of your health! (Also meet a single millionaire with a heart of gold and run off with him, but that's a hard task ;) )
    MoonFox4

    Answer by MoonFox4 at 4:28 PM on Sep. 23, 2013

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