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How often do you allow guests of your adult child to hang out at your home?

My parents didn't allow me to entertain if they weren't at home and rules are the same for us, no matter what age. My DH works on Saturdays and sometimes I do as well.

So, we find ourselves having to modify our lives when our child wants to have people over, which we don't mind occasionally, but we work hard and get frustrated at constant weekend visits where we are feeding friends, girlfriends and boyfriends and taking them with us if we are going out as well.

We all need to relax and let it all hang out at home, but harder to do when friends are here and stay for hours. Unfortunately our house is small and we have only one "family room/living room".

Just wonder what limits everyone else has regarding this.

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dflygirl7

Asked by dflygirl7 at 8:00 AM on Sep. 24, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • My oldest has her own home, so it's a non issue. She will however just pop in with so e of her fiends to visit & we don't mind.
    I would just tell your kids that you don't mind the friends but they have to limit it to every other weekend and if you have plans they're not invited.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 8:07 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • I guess I'm not sure why you feel it necessary to take everyone with you if you have plans. Why not just send everyone home at that point?

    My kids moved out of our home when they were of age in order to attend college so I didn't really have this issue but, at the same time, their friends were always welcome. It's your home and I get that you have certain rules but it seems a bit like you've made your bed on this one. If you're going to insist that no one can do anything without you being there then your choices are limited to specific days for visits or making your home off limits altogether
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 8:15 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • We are struggling with this too. My 24 yr old step son's friend think they own our house. We've recently put our foot down AGAIN! They are not allowed to spend the night. They must leave by 10 pm. They are required to knock on the door, if they don't we send them back out and demonstrate to them how to knock on a door ( since they obviously never had home training).

    The day he leaves you will hear about me on the news. I'll be the old lady running down the road naked screaming for joy!
    PandaGwen

    Answer by PandaGwen at 8:31 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • My boys are generally considerate about this. They are 21, 24 and 31-31 year old no longer at home. When they were teenagers the rule was no one in our home unless we were home. We've relaxed that considerably. I know and like most of their friends. And, I like that they want to hang out at our house. Their friends are pretty considerate, and some of them even bring food or drinks when they come, but they can eat a lot. I've never felt obligated to take them if we are going places.

    I do understand about needing some pricvacy in your own home and the ability to just relax, and the boys generally ask if it's okay before they have friends over. Some nights hubby and I just want to lay in our pj's in the living room and watch tv....no guests.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:16 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • I do like that they want to hang out here, we are fun people, and I love to share what we have, but sometimes we just need to say not this weekend, please. My son (not an adult yet) has a few close friends and when they come over they can eat a dozen eggs, 2lbs. of bacon, a boatload of pancakes, and an entire carton of OJ, a half gallon of ice cream ! :)

    My DD wants to be entwined with her honey on the couch and take over the TV.

    It's nice when they arrange to go to someone else's house or go out on their own. I have a feeling my son eats less at other people's houses :)

    If we make it too comfortable around here, they'll never want to leave, lol!!
    dflygirl7

    Comment by dflygirl7 (original poster) at 9:34 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • I'm not saying your rule is wrong - it is your rule and if it's what you want, go for it. But, if you're feeling overwhelmed and annoyed, perhaps relaxing the rule a bit to allow them to have friends over when you're not home would help? I don't know why you have that rule specifically, so maybe it's not a good option. But I'm just thinking that if they can have the friends over while you're out, then maybe you would feel you have more privacy and stuff. You could always make it clear that the rest of the rules are the same: must knock, don't eat all the food, etc. Or put it on your kids that if their friends eat all the food, your kids will have to pay for replacement groceries.

    Alternatively, they are adluts - old enough to get their own place if they don't like the way you want things to be, or if you simply feel this is too much for you anymore.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:04 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • I had two go to plans when I wanted some alone time without my boys and their friends hanging out. I'd tell them I was having a pj night and since my pj's are a tank top with undies, they would take off. No older teen or young adult boy wants to see mommy in her undies!!! Or, I'd tell them I was planning a marathon of the different film versions of Phantom of the Opera. Either ploy worked every time!!!! Justmake it more comfy for them to be some where else sometimes
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 10:24 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • I'm not to that stage yet, but I wouldn't let it disrupt my family life. Sit down and talk to your adult child. Work out a schedule you both can live with. Otherwise, you'll resent the accommodations you're making and eventually strain the relationships in your household.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:36 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • Start walking around in a bra and sweatpants. And sing. They won't want to hang around your house much longer.

    If they want to do it their way, they can get jobs, pay rent, utilities, food, etc. See how they fare.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:39 PM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • sounds like you have a trust issue. sorry, but the only reason i ever loaded my kids up with their friends is when they were under age. and we had to leave. i limit what the friends get to eat and stuff like that.
    noel1978

    Answer by noel1978 at 4:05 PM on Sep. 24, 2013

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