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6 Bumps

I need to leave my husband but I don't know what to do

Im not in a domestic violence situation. Im not in fear of my life. I just need to leave him. Things are not right, and I need to get out.
The problem I have is, I don't have anywhere to go. It would take me months to a year to save up enough money to get a place of my own. But I need to leave now. I could go to a womens and childrens shelter and save up there, but I am too afraid of ripping my kids out of their home and environment. They love their school, their home and their friends. I don't want to crush them, and I know all this will be a huge blow to them. So now Im stuck with, should we go or stay? Im not happy here. I don't know what to do. Im just ready to pack up everything and leave today.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Sep. 24, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • The first thing you need to do is get a job. Do you have access to the account? Savings? Getting a job will solve a lot of problems. Have you talked to your husband? It might be that he would be willing to move out if that's what is best for the kids.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:52 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • You sound very desperate for not having domestic abuse. Are you fearful for your Kids?
    How would he react if he came home to an empty house?

    There's got to be more than you're telling us.
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 11:01 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • I have a job now. Im the only one with a job, and I am barely making ends meet as it is. Thats why it would take a while for me to save up money to leave, because I am stuck here paying the bills and rent. I have asked him to leave, but he refuses to go. He wouldn't do anything for the sake of the kids. He is too selfish and only thinks about what he wants. So I am stuck with him, unless I leave. We did have a savings, but I had to tap into that to keep us going here. He refuses to get a job.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:03 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • Thank goodness the family is okay!

    I couldn't tolerate that either!
    But, it's not fair to you and your children to uproot and move because of him!

    I have no solution but here's a bump. Maybe someone else who has been in your position can help.
    Hopefully it'll get resolved soon.
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 11:08 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • ^^^ Then stop paying the bills & just leave, seriously, if it's that bad. Instead of paying the bills, use the money for a new place.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 11:09 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • There you go^^^^^
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 11:10 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • Has he worked before? If he has and is not working now and refuses to work what happened?
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:12 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • @KTElite, he is just wearing me thin. He has a horrible attitude, that is exhausting and draining. I don't like the way he treats my dogs or myself. He has nothing to do with me, until he can use me. I have to fight and argue with him to do anything with his kids, like going to the park with us or going to school functions. He refuses to get a job, and I am working overtime, had to use up all the savings, just to keep us going. Its doesn't even feel like we are married, yet he still expects me to take care of him. Im just tired of it all. My health is being effected. Im so stressed that Im actually losing hair. I can run my fingers through my hair and easily pull out a wad of hair. I have a medical condition that I need treated, but because Im the only one working, I had to drop my health insurance just so I could have money to pay the bills.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:14 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • First thing, don't let him use you. No more sex, period. None. I don't usually agree with using sex as a weapon, but if he won't contribute to the household, then he's pretty much not acting as if he's married anyway. You are under no obligation whatsoever to satisfy his needs, so stop. The well is closed.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:19 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • He has worked before, but was laid off over a year ago. He hasn't tried looking for a job since. I don't know what happened to him. I have asked him to go to counseling, I have tried working things out with him, and talking to him. There is no talking to him. I don't know if its just depression or maybe he has settled into this mode and is comfortable. But I have tried and talked and talked until I was blue in the face, and he just doesn't care. I just don't see any feelings in him anymore. None at all. It's like he is a robot. His responses, even when he is trying to act sorry, its so cold like there is nothing there.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:22 AM on Sep. 24, 2013

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