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What would you do?

i know this woman for three years. she was with the same man the whole time i've known him, he verbaly and meantly abused her and her two children. i've bent over backwards trying to help her and her kids, and the guy soon put a wedge between us. now he's beat the tar out her and she kicked him again. the whole three years she has kicked him out maybe 10 times and each time he was back in her house after three days. she wants my help with getting food and clothes for her kids. she claims he's gone for good, but she's said that before. here's the question:
if you know someone like this, would you still bend over backwards to help or would you just help if you thought or felt like you could?
i'm at adds because she's been here before and she still took him back. i am so tired of everyone using me. please tell me what you would do. right now i'm only talking to her when she approaches me. i don't go out of my way to help her with anything

Answer Question
 
noel1978

Asked by noel1978 at 3:57 PM on Sep. 24, 2013 in Relationships

Level 24 (20,417 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Giving a helping hand should not come with pay back or expectations of any kind....if this lady needs help and you can help do it.....
    older

    Answer by older at 4:07 PM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • Help the kids and remind her to want better for herself and children.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 4:10 PM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • Me! If I were you? I would have stoped helping her a long time ago. I would have told her. I haelp and you keep going back to this guy. No more. Don't ask for my help.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:28 PM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • The kids are first priority, they should be safe. As for your friend it sounds like she wants to keep letting him do this to her, and that's not fair to the children. If that's the way she chooses to live she must like it because she's not doing anything about it. Be there for the children. And if u have to take other measures to make sure that the children are safe then you do so.
    shorts12

    Answer by shorts12 at 4:41 PM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • I would, but I would also inform her CPS will be called if he comes back. For the children's safety. I don't know if I would actually give them money or food, but I would drive her to the food bank or other charity to get clothing.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 4:57 PM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • I personally would offer help of taking her to the police station to file a report of helping her to get a restraining order of helping her to get to a local shelter if necessary to take care of the children
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:58 PM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • I'd probably give her food because I couldn't stand the thought of anyone, especially the kids, going hungry. I'd offer to take her to counseling or to the police station to get a restraining order.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:39 PM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • I think you should help her get some food, and I also think that if she allows him back in, you should call CPS and report each and everything you know, maybe she will allow you to take pictures of her wounds? Has she pressed charges? The best way to help the kids is for them not to have to live this way anymore.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 5:54 PM on Sep. 24, 2013

  • Help her..she needs to know there are people in this world who care, she may need to be reminded a thousand times before she begins to realize she's someone worth caring about..be that person. Her husband makes her feel worthless, she stays because she doesn't believe she deserves better. I know because I was her...I'm a survivor of DV and free for 4 years now and only because I had people in my life consistently being there for me if only just to listen.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 PM on Sep. 25, 2013

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