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3 Bumps

Is this a teachable moment?

My 15 yo was invited to her first high school homecoming dance by a boy who thinks he's cool and trys to act cool but he's not (words from my dd) and kept coming to her about several of her friends asking if he should invite them. He has txted her for a couple months about a couple girls. This started 3 weeks ago about homecoming though. A week before homecoming he throws a soccer ball at her in the hall saying "it's my goal to take you to homecoming" kinda catchy but couldn't this be a 'teaching moment' about standing up for yourself when it comes to a boy 'picking you last, like at the bottom of his totem pole' and we think she should give the ball back. What do you think?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Sep. 25, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (20)
  • I don't know, I mean how is she doing socially? I guess if she has had issues with being picked on or wahtnot- then yeah, maybe be careful with this
    Otherwise, what does SHE think?

    I was never asked to anything by anyone, so maybe I'm not a good one to ask about it...

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:35 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • 'picking you last, like at the bottom of his totem pole'

    or maybe, after all this time, he finally realized she's a great catch...

    Answer by feralxat at 9:35 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • She was good enough for him 2 other dances but not this one. My dh & I can see he's being a conceited jerk & don't want her to be falling for 'his kind'. We want her to learn early & stand up for herself early...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:40 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • Personally, If I knew a guy had asked several other girls before me, I probably wouldn't have gone with him. I agree that she should place more value on herself, and applaud you for letting her know that she has more value than to be last choice on someone's list. I'd ask her if she wants to go so badly that she's willing to be a 'last resort'? 

    In our school they let groups of girls or boys go to dances without dates. If she doesn't get asked as someone's first choice, I'd encourage her to get a group of girlfriends together that haven't been asked and go together just to enjoy the party!


    Answer by ohwrite at 9:41 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • You see it one way, but she may be seeing it another. And neither you or her are him, so none of you really know what he's thinking.

    I would point out your concerns to her, but let her make her own decision. I'll be honest: I've had a guy or two treat me badly (though for me, it came much later, as an adult), but they were probably the best experiences I had. They allowed me to see for myself how it felt to be treated that way and therefore I've been very clear with myself since then that I would never allow that to happen again. Had I just had my parents telling me he'd be a jerk and listened to them, I may have ended up with more bad relationships than I did, and probably treated a whole lot worse. If he is being a jerk, she'll figure it out and you can be there for her, and help her see how to avoid that in the future.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:48 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • ohwrite The other thing is she doesn't want to wear a strapless, mini skirt & that's what her friends are wearing. She isn't a girly-girl & in high school it's formal (unlike middle school)... Too bad the girls who don't have dates can't just wear jeans!!!! I can see her point...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:49 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • Why does she have to wear what other people wear? there are dresse tht are not strapless or mini...

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:51 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • First it's, "he's not cool", then he's conceited and a jerk and then it's the clothes.

    If she doesn't want to go or go with this kid then tell her she doesn't have to go. It is disingenuous to assume the kid hasn't picked up on any of this and that could be the reason why he waited until the last minute to ask your daughter.

    Answer by feralxat at 9:55 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • charlotsomtimes  I know it's so... stupid but it's a small school & that's what all the girls wear.  I've seen the pictures on facebook in the past too, so I know she's right that that's what they wear


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:57 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • Did he actually ASK the other girls, or was he just asking your dd about asking them so he could gauge her reaction? As if to see if she would tell him she wanted to go with him? That was what I thought from just reading the question. That he was trying to feel her out to see what her answer would be before he asked.

    Answer by missanc at 9:57 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

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