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3 Bumps

Having a hard time thinking about leaving my kiddos with someone....

Long story short my husband is not reliable to watch our children if/when I were to get a job. He is not patient with them and doesn't engage with them. I don't like leaving our kids with him.
I have no family where I live, and his family all works.
I'm feeling completely lonely, lost and sad that I can't trust him with them, and I hate the idea of leaving them with a stranger.
Does anyone know how I'm feeling? I just feel like my husband should be able to watch them, engage with them and be up to par with being a dad. I know parents aren't perfect sometimes, but it's not the best situation. I can't rely on him.
Does anyone have any suggestions?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Sep. 25, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I hear you loud and clear, OP.

    It's time to interview daycares/preschools. If he complains about the $$ it will cost, tell him that if you are going to have to go to work, you need someone trustworthy and reliable to watch your (say "our") children. Be utterly emotionless and calm as you say this.

    I imagine he's not that involved with you emotionally, either. Speculation, I know. I hope I'm wrong.

    He may become more involved with the kids as they age, but it will probably never be as much as you want it to be. Leaving him means that you won't be there to run interference when they go to visit him, if they do.

    He's not going to change unless/until he absolutely has to, and even then, it might not be a permanent change.

    As Ann Landers used to ask, "Are you better off with him or without him?"

    Answer by May-20 at 10:01 AM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • Then, honestly, you have bigger problems than baby sitting.
    But, for now, research day cares in your area & consider if life would be better without your DH.

    Answer by 3libras at 10:43 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • He is not patient with them and doesn't engage with them.
    Patient - not as patient as you or he becomes a raving loon ?
    Engage- doesn't engage as often as you or ignores them completely?

    Answer by feralxat at 10:37 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • Can you move closer to your family? That would be a step in the right direction. Unless of course he is willing to get some counseling or take some parenting classes. That's ridiculous that he can't be trusted to parent his own children for an extended period of time. He needs to shut off the TV & the computer & take them outside to play. Or to a park. Does he want their childhood memories of him to be of walking on eggshells around their crabby daddy? If he won't straighten up, you need to do some serious consideration in getting your kids out of that environment. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 11:15 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • Wow, he doesn't sound like a good option for leaving your kids. I had been going to say that sometimes my boyfriend isn't as patient as I'd like him to be, and sometimes he puts on movies for my daughter and expects her to entertain herself instead of engaging with her the way I would. So I don't leave my daughter with him all the time, but onc in a while doesn't hurt; it's good for kids to get used to different interaction styles. But if your husband is actually leaving three preschoolers alone in the house and going out to do his own thing in the garage, that's another story. Have you talked to him about your concerns?

    Answer by Ballad at 11:19 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • Sometimes we don't have the choice of not leaving them with strangers. I would start interviewing places or people soon. With their ages you may be able to find an affordable preschool programs.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 2:21 PM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • raving loon, almost ignores them completely.
    they don't ever hardly ask him any questions or anything because they know he either gets annoyed or he's so zoned into whatever he's doing (watching HIS movie...or playing a game on FB...or whatever else) they come to me even to ask something about him "where is daddy going"'s that bad at times. I'm in the shower and they will come to me to open a package of crackers or something.....something he can CLEARLY do, something he should be doing while I'm in the shower/on the toilet....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:41 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • Like I said, he's not like this all the time, but I will come home and there will be signs that he hasn't been watching them....
    -chair up to the counter, crap pulled down from the cupboards (would have had to STAND on the counter to reach the cupboards)
    -WHOLE pizza upstairs sprawled all over beds/floor
    -come home he's out in the garage, kids are all inside the house (my kids 6, 4, 3)....

    Just to name a few examples!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:49 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • @3libras....I know...I'm contemplating leaving, but the issues still lay with leaving my kids with anyone as well as who and where I can get some support emotionally as well as with the kids, so I can provide for them.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:50 AM on Sep. 25, 2013

  • I live in IL and they live in CA :(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:18 AM on Sep. 25, 2013