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3 Bumps

We have the option for free childcare but he's being stubborn...

Here's some quick background information:

I was married once already, to the father of my 4 year old daughter. He and I had a falling out, divorced and he moved out of the country indefinitely. He put me through a lot and really caused me some issues. However, his mother remained in the country and has been a part of my daughter's life this entire time.

When I met my fiance, he seemed okay with me taking my daughter to see her grandma and it was never an issue but when we moved in together I noticed he seemed bothered by it. Come to find out, he's having issues with the idea that my daughter will be close to her biological father's family and that it might raise more questions and issues when blending out family later on (he's going to adopt her when we get married and my ex husband's family supports this).

Well, I am 8 months pregnant and when the baby comes he wants me to stay at home...but I just received my bachelor's degree and would like to pursue my field of interest for a while. He says this is okay but childcare is VERY expensive. If we send the girl's to a childcare center it will be nearly 2,000 a month and we aren't fans of daycares anyway.

He wants his mom to watch the girls but his mom is very sickly. She's nearly 70 years old and in just the last 3 years she has had quadruple bypass surgery and she has been diagnosed with, treated and in remission from cervical cancer. I worry that it will be too much on her.

My daughter's biological dad's mom offered to watch the girls for FREE. She's retired and has nothing else to do and she'd loved to get closer to her granddaughter and bless her heart it makes no difference to her that she'd be watching the baby as well.

My fiance is 100% against it. I am on the fence...

What do you ladies think?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Sep. 26, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • I think that sounds like an ideal situation
    What is he afraid of? Even if he adopts your daughter,that lady is still her grandma,and they should be in each other's lives

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 3:14 PM on Sep. 26, 2013

  • He's afraid that it will "confuse" my daughter. I've tried to explain to him that no matter what there will be some confusion but he doesn't get it. I think he wishes that I'd just wipe my hands of my ex's entire family but the fact of the matter is...they aren't the ones that hurt me and walked out on me, my ex is. Who am I to deny my daughter the chance to know her biological father's family and have more people to love and care for her?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:19 PM on Sep. 26, 2013

  • With your oldest. He has no say. IMO. But with his child you are about to have put that one in daycare. That way it is half the cost.

    Answer by louise2 at 3:20 PM on Sep. 26, 2013

  • He can not just ignore the fact that biologically she is not his. She shouldn't have to suffer because he just doesn't like it. Kids are smart and get things pretty easy. I wouldn't allow him to say if or if not she sees her bio father or his family at all she has the right to.

    Answer by skinnyslokita at 3:23 PM on Sep. 26, 2013

  • Louise2, I've mentioned that to him as well...he doesn't want her in daycare lol he's so stubborn. I'm so annoyed.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:24 PM on Sep. 26, 2013

  • father is completely out of the picture (his choice) but I agree, I won't let my fiance stop her from seeing his family (they want to be involved) but I don't know what to do about childcare...he has been fine with her visiting that side of the family and them coming to her bday parties and stuff but he's 100% against the childcare thing and I don't know if it's worth risking my relationship over.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:25 PM on Sep. 26, 2013

  • Sounds like he's going to do whatever it takes to keep your butt at home and not working.

    It's the ideal solution to your problem within them going to grandmas. GL dear.

    Answer by PandaGwen at 3:27 PM on Sep. 26, 2013

  • I you want to go back to work. Go. He can not make you be a sahm.

    Answer by louise2 at 3:30 PM on Sep. 26, 2013

  • Well if you don't mind staying home until they are in school why not stay home? If you can afford it. If you want to work, work he can't make you stay home. Tell him to quit his job and stay home. Lol I'd send my oldest to her grandmas and decide what to do with the baby.

    Answer by skinnyslokita at 3:38 PM on Sep. 26, 2013

  • Who am I to deny my daughter the chance to know her biological father's family and have more people to love and care for her?

    Why is he so insecure with this? A child can never have too many people that love and care for them. He needs to get over himself on this one. By having Grandma watch both kids, you can work and the kids will get some great care. I think it's fabulous that she's willing to watch the new baby too. That shows me that she has a big, loving heart and really wants to help you guys out. I don't know. Y'all need to really have some sit downs and get to the root of why he's so against this.

    I sort of understand his weak argument about her being confused. ALL little kids are confused when they're parents are divorced. But, they figure out quickly how to differentiate all the adults involved.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 3:55 PM on Sep. 26, 2013

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