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I feel sick, what do you say to this man? adult content

I just learned a former co-worker and her daughter died in a fire yesterday, she was one of my favortie people. The husband and son made it out alive, now this morning they have charged her 14 year old son with arson. I plan on going to the funeral, but what do you say, how in the world do you cope with losing your wife and daughter, and having your son be the one responsible for their deaths.
Before we moved, my husband and I had done things quite a bit with their family-I am just shocked the boy I remember as being so sweet and kind could do such a thing.
I have to go to work, but would appreciate your thoughts and help of how to offer some kind of comfort.


Asked by 2kids2dogs2cats at 10:24 AM on Sep. 27, 2013 in Relationships

Level 29 (39,783 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • we've someone here who lost everything in a fire a year or two ago.
    perhaps they can give you some insight.

    perhaps he was in "flight" mode and reacted instead of thinking?

    Answer by feralxat at 1:41 PM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • Just say " I'm sorry for your loss." Sometimes there are no words you can say. ((Hugs)) because I really just don't know what to say. That is just horrible no matter how you look at it.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 10:28 AM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • Support him just like you would if his son wasn't involved. As for what to say, I guess the same thing you would say to anyone. That you are so sorry for his loss and that if he should need anything to feel free to call on you and your family.

    Also, keep in mind that the determination of arson doesn't necessarily imply that he intended to do harm to any of the family.  It's a very good probability that the deaths were completely unintentional.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:40 AM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • Give hugs and let them know if they need anything to let you know.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:33 AM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • There's nothing you can say. Words are utterly inadequate. If you are comfortable, offer specific help. Don't just say call if you need anything; the poor man doesn't have a clue what he needs, and he might not have it together enough to figure out what to ask for or to take the initiative and call. Does he have a place to live? I can't even imagine!

    Answer by Ballad at 10:39 AM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • the kid could have done something as simple as lit a candle too close to draperies.
    so remember innocent until proven guilty.

    what they said about support and condolences
    and if it does come up (from the father) remind him to tell the kid to keep his trap shut unless his atty advises otherwise. the cops have to make the case and the kid must not help them in any way shape or form

    Answer by feralxat at 10:48 AM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • Tell him what she meant to you.........she was one of your favorite people. Cry with him and offer to do all the little things that someone in his position can't think about right now. I am so sorry.

    Answer by silverthreads at 10:49 AM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • There is nothing you can say.
    My sister, her two children and my cousin all died in the same fire and there are no words. I had such anger and sadness and everyone was always trying to hug me and say sorry an I just wanted to be left alone. I couldn't even imagine finding out that a loved one was responsible.
    Bring them a casserole because if they are even able to eat they wont want to cook. I feel terrible for this family and the journey they have to face now.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 11:13 AM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • All you can do is say how sorry you are for his loss, nothing in this awful situation will make him feel better so all you can do is offer your support. Big hugs to you, absolutely heartbreaking.

    Answer by kylie_bob at 11:14 AM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • Maybe he was just fooling around with a lighter & had an accident?? I'd just say I was sorry for your loss & I was very fond of them all.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:23 PM on Sep. 27, 2013